Black – Daenlyn (Matthew Dixon)
Dark Red – Na’ir (william handford)
Blue – Guard (Uncast)
Steward – Pink (Uncast)
Blue-Grey – Baroness (Uncast)
Purple – Griffith (aranas)
Red – Raynes (malevolentmc)
Green – Jerulith (Jessica Osborne)
All right. Let’s say we agree to this. I take it you have a plan?
Naturally. As his client mentioned, the target lives on an island, just off the coast.
As a former military outpost, the place is heavily fortified, but not impossible to enter.
And I suppose you would have us march right through the front gate.
Actually, there are two separate ways into the main chamber.
One is the back door. An old entrance that runs underneath the fort.
The Baron had been using it as an emergency tunnel. Of course, it is littered with traps that can be more perilous than any sword.
And the other?
The other is the front entrance. As you might expect, the way is blocked off by a garrison of elite guardsmen.
Yet both traps and men can be evaded, if your feet are light, and your tongue is sharp.
And what path do you suggest we take?
It is entirely up to you.
Na’ir does not believe in gutting bellies with daggers when you can use your teeth, but he realizes not everyone thinks as he does.
It is best to let you choose your own way.
Well, I think we can all agree that sneaking around back like cowards is not an option.
I agree. Not about the coward thing, but the sneaking out back part. Not all of us are light on our feet.
You three can do what you want.
What’s that supposed to mean? Hey, where are you going?
Griffith walks out the door.
By Y’ffre, what’s his problem? Doesn’t he realize we have to work as a team?
We don’t have to do anything. Especially if the idea comes out of your mouth. We just need to kill everyone on that island.
Or we can try it my way first. That makes sense to you, doesn’t it?
If my plan fails, we can still kill everyone. In fact, we’d pretty much have to.
Fine. Tell us your grand plan. I could use a good laugh.
Well, as a card player, I think I’m pretty good at reading people, even if I’ve never met them.
The Baron’s daughter lives on an island. People like that are paranoid, but they’re also extremely bored.
I’m sure she’d love to have some entertainment every now and then. Maybe her brother sends us as a gift to his dear little sister.
Na’ir thinks this can be arranged. But the others are not bards. One wrong move and your heads will be used to decorate the pikes.
Ah, but what if we weren’t just bards, but rather, traveling artists.
In our group we have singers, actors, and jesters. We perform songs, acrobatics, and comedies.
And for humor, you always need a straight man to play off of. The Thalmor’s perfect for that.
And what makes you think I can play this “straight man?”
Because all you have to do is stand there and be yourself.
Na’ir likes it. But what about our brooding friend?
I’ll think of something. Improvisation is what an actor does best.
Because ultimately, the only thing that matters is we earn her trust. Maybe even get her to become an active participant.
Do you know the story of Fjori and Holgeir? It ends with one of them getting bit by a snake.
Usually a man plays the snake, and kills Fjori with a prop dagger. All we need to do is make the death real.
By the time they realize she isn’t acting, we’ll have escaped the manor.
Well, it sounds to me like your plan is idiotic. Which is all the better seeing as I’ll get to kill more monkeys.
Good. Na’ir will arrange for the letter and the costumes. Simply come to the docks in Windhelm when you are ready.
Simply come to the docks in Solitude when you are done.
(Sigh) Somehow I know I’m going to regret this.
You do know your way to the docks, don’t you? Don’t tell me I need to escort you there.
I know you’re a busy person, so I’ll meet you at the docks.
This plan is going to work. And if it doesn’t, I’ll just have Mithril pop out and scare them.
We’ll be fine. Trust me. If there’s one thing I know, it’s music and plays. I guess that’s two things. You get what I mean.
Speak to Griffith outside
There’s no end to it, is there? It seems no matter what I do, she’s always going to be in danger.
Raising a kid is hard. Just be glad your fatherly duties includes killing folks.
It’s not like that. Not anymore. Ever since that business with Gabania, I realized I don’t need to kill. All I need is my daughter.
That was what you signed up for when you saved her life.
I signed up to be her guardian. But it’s different now that I’m her father. It’s not just her life I’m trying to protect. It’s her childhood.
It can end, all right. Especially if you aren’t careful.
That’s the way I used to think. Survival at all costs. But now that I’m her father, my priorities have changed.
Leans over railing, watches Morrigan play with Henrietta
Heh…look at her. I haven’t seen Morrigan this happy in a long time.
I used to dread these moments…the quiet times…because I knew they wouldn’t last.
Now I realize that’s the wrong way to look at it. Nothing lasts forever.
Just knowing these days still exist…that’s good enough. It gives me a reason to keep going.
I don’t want to hide anymore. Not from the Brotherhood, and not from Gabania’s men.
So you’re turning down the job?
Yeah, I guess I am. But I don’t want to leave you high and dry either.
Tell you what. I’ll talk to an old friend of ours, have him meet you at the docks. If anything, you’ll be better off with him.
Wouldn’t stopping Gabania’s daughter give you more peaceful days?
Maybe. Or maybe someone else wants vengeance for her. I can’t keep doing this.
I used to talk about those faces…the apathy, like it was the worst thing in the world.
But the truth is, one day I looked in the mirror and saw that face was mine.
Morrigan changed all that. I’m not going to leave her again.
Gilfre’s agreed to take me on as a mill worker. Makes sense given the old workers are gone.
I’ve decided to take over the mill. Makes sense given the old owner is gone.
We ship wood all over Eastmarch. With Kynesgrove being sacred ground, the cities rely on us to fill the void.
Every Sundas I take Morrigan to Windhelm to get her exposed to people. Riften’s not too far either, but it brings too many bad memories.
Just here to enjoy the city. It’s healthy. For the both of us.
I’m thinking of finding a mage to help tutor Morrigan. Who knows, maybe some day she might enroll at the College.
I guess I should thank you for doing that job. Probably made it a lot safer for me and my daughter.
If Morrigan dead
I hate coming to the city. Seeing children running around…it’s too much.
You miss her.
Why would it be painful? They’re just children.
You forgot about her already, huh. Morrigan. She was my daughter. And I let her die.
Morrigan’s dead. Get over it.
It’s easy for you, isn’t it. You’re like the guardsman. You just wear that face like it’s nothing.
All my life I’ve been hunting down those faces. But one day I looked in the mirror and realized I was no different.
It was Morrigan who changed that.
Now it isn’t the face of apathy that disgusts me. It’s the smiles. Because they remind me of what I’ve lost.
Let it go. It’s not your fault.
I can’t. I’m sorry.
Wait, so are you killing happy people now?
Not people. Criminals. People who take pleasure in hunting the weak. Those are the men I kill.
What about Gabania’s daughter?
Sure, she fits the code. I can see her in her little castle, playing with people’s lives like dolls.
It’ll be fun to wipe the smile off her face.
Arrive at the docks
All right, you made it. Remember, stick to the story. We’re traveling performers, here to entertain the late Baron’s daughter.
Speaking of which, where’s your outfit?
(alternate) And I take it you’re the Imperial’s friend. But where’s your outfit?
Is there a problem?
Well yeah. You look suspicious. I mean, this outfit isn’t all that different from the last one.
You do realize we’re supposed to be wearing our best clothes, don’t you?
Wait, you mean to tell me there are people who actually hold these peasant rags in high esteem?
Not only are they incredibly uncomfortable, they are patently hideous. How long am I expected to wear this hat?
For as long as we’re on the island. Trust me, the hat is the most important part. It’s like the peasant version of a noble robe.
And here I thought being exiled from the Thalmor was my lowest moment.
In any case, you should be thankful this one came as he did. His best clothes are likely stained in blood.
Fine. It’s too late to change wardrobe now anyway. They’re expecting us.
What do you say, my fellow thespian? Shall we depart?
Okay, well grab an oar. We’re paddling our way there.
I’m not ready. Give me a moment.
Sure thing. We’ll be here.
I think I’m starting to doubt the Bosmer’s claim. None of the monkeys I’ve seen have ever worn such a hat.
travel to the docks
All right, we’re here. Now remember, let me do all the talking. The rest of you just keep quiet and follow my lead.
Halt. This is a private island. State your business.
Greetings, sera, we are the Dancing Minstrels of Oakhollow. We’ve come on behalf of your ladyship’s brother, to help mend her aching heart.
Ah, right. The fairy Bosmer from Solitude. She’s expecting you. These others, they bards too?
Well, this is my assistant, Jerulith the noble, a former Court Jester of Lillandril.
She can juggle fireballs and swallow swords, and do so with her eyes closed.
No. I realize bows and swords are part of the jester’s trade, but no fireballs, not inside the manor.
I’m not going to let the whole place burn down on account of some failed trick.
I apologize sera, then perhaps a cartwheel or two will please my lady?
Ha! You mean to tell me this big horse of a woman can do a cartwheel? That I’d like to see.
You won’t see much of anything when I light your face on fire.
I, uh, my assistant simply said she can’t wait to see the lady’s face light up when she does her performance!
Oh. Glad to hear it. Truth be told, her ladyship’s been a little bored as of late, and when she gets bored, heads roll.
What about the others? You in the back! What’s your talent?
I’m the boatman
Huh? What’s that? You juggle oars or something?
Um, what my friend means to say he’s the great bard of…uh…
No, I think you’re mistaken. I’m not with these people. I’m just the boatman.
I rowed the boat here. And when this bard is done playing, I’m going to row him back.
All right, fair enough. And who might you be?
I’m the boatman’s apprentice.
What? You mean to tell me you need a master to teach you how to row a bloody boat?
That’s right. I’m not exactly the smartest person in Tamriel.
No, I’d reckon you’re just about the dumbest. But at least you know what you are.
All right, you two come with me. Leave the boatman and his apprentice to their training.
(Sigh) I hope you two know what you’re doing.
Boats are a lot more complicated than you think.
Apparently so. Here I thought you just stick your oar in the water and row the damn thing.
But if you want to stay out in the cold, be my guest.
Not just any master. Griffith’s a legendary boatman.
They make legends out of boatman now? What, did he ferry some hero across some raging river?
Psh. You want to follow a real legend, be a soldier. Everyone else is a sodding coward.
I’m with Daenlyn. I’m a performer.
Oh? And what kind of performer?
The kind that moves people to tears.
Ugh, not again with the sappy stuff. Well, just tell me when it’s your turn so I know when to take a nap.
In any case, time’s a wasting. Come on, the three you follow me.
I make people laugh. Want to hear a joke?
No, no, save it for inside, jester.
I act, I sing…I pretty much do it all.
Is that right? You’re gonna be real popular around here, pretty little thing like you.
Is that right? You’re gonna be real popular with her ladyship then, handsome as you are.
I basically just do what the bard tells me to.
You’d make a good guardsman then. Pity you picked up a lute instead of a sword.
But I shouldn’t be greedy. We’ve got more than our fair share of men here.
GO WITH DAENLYN
Fair warning, it’s a bit of a walk. But you bards can do with a little exercise now and then.
I agree, sera. And besides, given how generously we’re being paid, I have no right to complain.
Is that right? I heard her ladyship’s brother was as cheap as her father. But I guess you can’t believe everything you hear.
But my lady, she’s a different animal altogether. She isn’t afraid to flex her coin purse.
In fact, she’s planning on spending every last drake to find the bastards who killed the late Baron.
I take it the people here loved the late Baron.
Oh no, I wouldn’t say we loved him. I’d say we were scared of the old codger if anything. Now his steward, Florentus, that was a good man.
The Baron rarely ever came this far north, but the steward, he’d always come by and make sure the guard was well equipped and well fed.
Sure, the Baron’s personal guard, they get that fancy Imperial steel, but the rest of us were wearing scraps until Florentus made the order.
He was good company too. Always had a story to tell. Damn, I miss that scrawny little snowback. What kind of monster would kill such a kind, peace-loving man?
I have no idea.
I tell you, if I ever meet the bastard who did him in, I’m going rip open his throat with my teeth.
You understand me, bard? No dagger or sword or nothing, Just the teeth.
I understand you perfectly, sera. And if I ever met this person, I’d be the first to point her…I mean him, out to you.
I guarantee you’ll know him when you see him. Anyone who killed a gentle soul like Florentus Avenucci will have horns on his head.
In any case, we’re here. Just head on in through the front door and introduce yourself to the steward.
Go on, don’t keep the lady waiting.
Hurry up now, or it’ll be all our heads.
How long have you worked here?
Me? I’ve been guarding this manor for twenty years. Most days the steward runs it, but the lady moved in after the Baron was murdered.
She wants to be real close to Skyrim so she can catch whoever killed him.
What can you tell me about the lady of the manor?
You mean her brother didn’t tell you? Hahaha! Let’s just say the lady has high standards. As for what that means, you’ll find out soon enough.
Ah, so you must be the bard I’ve heard so much about. Strange, I was told there would be four of you.
Oh right, one of the group had a little bout with ataxia. Nothing too serious, but we didn’t want to risk infecting the lady of the manor.
Well, so long as the performance doesn’t suffer. Her ladyship is extremely critical, and has been known to, well…injure those who displease her.
But don’t worry, those were second class bards at best. They didn’t have nearly the years of training and experience you do.
Just out of curiosity, steward…may I ask how many years these bards had trained?
Oh, no more than a dozen I’d say. They were former students at the College, but not instructors like yourself.
But please, let’s not harp on such unpleasantness.
No, by all means, continue. I’d very much like to know what happened to them.
Well, the poet had his tongue removed and then sewn shut.
The lute player had his hands cut off, and when she felt that wasn’t adequate, she had them burned alive.
I think I’m starting to like this woman.
I’m glad to hear it. After word got out about what her ladyship had done, we’ve had a hard time getting anyone to come play for her.
Without the occasional entertainment, she starts taking her frustrations out on the servants. And with the Baron’s killers still running free, it’s only gotten worse.
The fact that her father’s killers are still out there only makes it worse. So needless to say we’re pleased to have you.
And we’re pleased to be here.
Enter Main Chamber Hall
Steward! You lied to me. I’ve been soaking in this hot sewage for the past hour, and I don’t feel the slightest bit relaxed.
My apologies your grace, it always brought your father a clear head.
And now he’s dead. Of course, the longer I stay here, the more I think about joining him. Where’s my entertainment?
As a matter of fact your ladyship, I was just about to inform you that-
Well, well, well….what do we have here? A Bosmer and a High Elf? And an Argonian too! What an eclectic group of performers! Perhaps I won’t go to bed bored after all.
And another Elf!
And a man too!
And a woman too!
And an Orc too!
And a Khajiit too!
My lady, I present to you a gift from your brother. A trio of performers well known throughout the realm. The Dancing Minstrels of Oakhollow.
Ah yes, remind me to send him a bouquet of flowers next time. Redworts if they please me, and Nightshade if they don’t.
And I do hope you do your best not to bore me. I don’t know if my steward told you, but there will be consequences. Dire ones.
We understand and accept your challenge, my lady.
Good. It’s nice to see a bard with a little bit of backbone. Steward, show them to the main hall.
As you command my lady. This way.
This is the main hall. We’ve cleared the tables in anticipation of your performance.
Now, if you’ll just wait here, the lady will be with you shortly.
Thank you, steward.
We should probably start out with something else though, like a trick or a song. What do you think?
What do I think? I think that throne of hers would make for excellent kindling.
All right. Let’s see what my dear brother has brought me this time. Minstrels of Oakhollow, was it?
That’s correct, my lady.
Funny, I’ve never heard of you. But then again, most of the minstrels I know are terrible. So that’s a good thing.
Tell me, my little wooden dove, what will you be performing first?
If it pleases you, my lady, I would like to begin with a song.
No, that won’t do at all. That’s what the last group did, and now they’re pig roast. I’m sick of you already. You! Step forward. I want to talk to you.
Look at you, such a pretty thing…tell me dear, what will you be performing first?
Look at you, such a strapping young lad….tell me handsome, what will you be performing first?
It’s as the Bosmer said, your ladyship, we will play a song.
Oh my, such a forceful thing. I don’t like that all. But I do have an idea. What if we liven it up a bit?
Here, take these arrows. I trust one of you has a bow? You know, for shooting apples off heads and such.
If not, grab one from the weapon rack.
What did you have in mind, my lady?
I want you to sing, while the other two shoot arrows and ice spikes at your feet.
Oh yes, my lady, that we can do. You don’t have any objections, do you, bard?
Well, surely my lady does not wish to have such violent objects shot around in her manor…
I don’t mind at all, darling. But if you’re that concerned, perhaps it’s best if the arrows struck your throat instead of the floor.
No, your grace, that won’t be necessary. I apologize for my impertinence. What song would my lady like to hear?
It doesn’t matter, my sweet. Just make sure it’s nice and long.
Hit Daenlyn(10 points)
Ha! That one actually hit him! And yet my little dove continues to play! Fantastic!
Daenlyn finishes the song without getting hit (5 points)
Player doesn’t use up all practice arrows (-10 point)
Why are you fools applauding? That was awful. Simply awful. I didn’t even feel like my new pet was in danger. We’ll have to rectify that in the future.
Well done darlings. The way the arrows hit him, I almost felt pity for our poor Woodland creature. Almost, but not quite.
That was a very uneven performance. I’m not sure whether to applaud or yawn.
My three little doves must do better if they want to live to see tomorrow.
So, what’s next?
What about some death-defying feats? (10 points)
An excellent choice. Acrobatics are my favorite. Especially when things go awry. What did you have in mind?
If I may interject, my lady, I am quite skilled with the bow. Perhaps if you would allow me to shoot an item off my assistant’s head….
That’s a splendid idea. But if you’re skilled with the bow, I want her to do it instead. It’s much more interesting this way.
That’s a splendid idea. But if you’re skilled with the bow, I want him to do it instead. It’s much more interesting this way.
Fair warning. You hit me, you die.
Hit Jerulith once(10 points)
Agh! Watch where you’re aiming, simpleton! That almost scratched me!
Demolish object – use Bersi Urn as example maybe (5 points)
Miss completely (-10 points)
Hit Jerulith twice
All right, this charade ends now!
What is the meaning of this! Get back on that wall!
You stupid ape, I will do no such thing. I am going to incinerate you and every single one of your men.
How dare you speak to me that way you Altmer toad! Guards! A thousand drakes to whoever brings me this one’s head!
Fail to shoot item off head
My word, you didn’t even scratch it! And you dare call yourself a bard?
I’m beginning to think the three of you would be better off practicing your act in the dungeon.
Successfully demolish object
Marvelous work! I admit, I didn’t have very high hopes for you, but that was so amazing I nearly left my chair.
That was pathetic. You may have hit your target, but you were so close to the apple it was practically in your mouth.
Which is just where I might leave when I sell you to the cannibals.
Hopefully your next performance won’t be nearly as dreadful.
How about a song? (if chosen at different time)
Oh all right, I’m in the mood now. But I do have an idea. What if we liven it up a bit?
We’re going to do a play. (0 points)
Very well. I’m listening, precious. What will you perform for me?
Olaf and the Dragon. (+5 points)
Hmm…that doesn’t sound completely hopeless. I knew it was smart of me to choose you.
Olaf and the Dragon it is then. A very appropriate choice, considering their return. What role will you be playing?
I’ll be Olaf, Jerulith will be the dragon. (+5 points)
Ah yes, I do see you as the hero type. You may proceed.
I’ll be Olaf, Daenlyn will be the dragon. (-5 points for not having Jerulith play the dragon)
Well, I half agree. You’re certainly the most heroic of this group, but I would have the bard narrate. Still, you may proceed.
I’ll be Numinex, Daenlyn will be Olaf (-10 points for not having Daenlyn be the bard)
It’s always more fun to play the villain, isn’t it. Although my choice would’ve been your Altmer friend.
In any case, you may proceed.
Actually, with all due respect, I think it would be better if the bard plays the bard, the hero plays the hero, and the Thalmor plays the mean old dragon.
Seriously, that’s how we’re doing this.
(alternate version – speaking slightly softer)
Oh, okay, so you’re Olaf. Remember to keep one eye closed. No, the other one.
My apologies, my lady, may we present to you, Olaf and the Dragon.
It is the time of the first age, when dragons terrorize the land. One such beast, the great fire-breather Numinex, has descended upon Whiterun.
Perched atop the Jarl’s Keep, he threatens to lay waste to the entire city.
But then, a hero emerges. His name is Olaf One-Eye, and he vows to free the people of Whiterun!
But the dragon is unfazed. From his perch, Numinex looks down upon the hero, and says…
Jerulith doesn’t speak, Daenlyn kind of tries to say her name through clenched teeth.
Oh, right. Ahem. Who goes there! Don’t tell me it’s another puny ape.
I may be an ape, but I am far from puny. Taste my dragon shout!
I thought that part comes later. But fine, let’s speed this along. Hit me with your mighty pig shout.
Ahem. Actually, Olaf tried to shout, but it was a mere bluff. He uh…pretended, yes, pretended to shout and then attacked with his axe and shield. Like in the story.
Wrong dragon. It is I, Olaf Six-Eye, a legendary Argonian Shadowscale!
Argonian? Then why in Oblivion are you helping Nords? Be gone.
Ahem. The dragon’s breath was mighty, but Olaf – he’s a Nord, not a Shadowscale, by the way – was not deterred.
You don’t need to know who I am. Only that I will vanquish you, with this axe and shield.
I’d like to see you try, pitiful human.
Yes, the dragon’s challenge was mighty, but Olaf was not deterred.
You speak to Solaf Seven-Toes, and my heart is as big as the sun.
Really? Is it hard to walk with seven toes? But as a lesser being, I imagine that’s the least of your deformities.
Ahem. The dragon’s breath was mighty, but Olaf – that’s Olaf, not Solaf, by the way – was not deterred.
Yet his axe and shield did nothing against the dragon’s thick hide.
So, in his frustration, Olaf threw them to the ground and screamed at the dragon with a thunderous roar!
(Groan) Oh yes, this monkey’s breath is quite loud and poisonous. Agh, my scales do nothing. Better?
You don’t fool me, Numinex. Fus Ro Dah!
What does that even mean? But fine, the power of your monkey magic is too much for me to bear.
I have bested you in battle. But only a drinking contest can settle this once and for all.
Ha, how befitting. Nords are indeed only capable of two things. Shouting and drinking.
No, not really. You’re terrible at this.
Which is why I suggested we simply light this manor on fire. It’s not too late, you know.
Actually, after saying what you just said, Numinex changed his mind and decided to shout back at Olaf, and the two proceeded to engage in a seemingly endless debate.
But this was not a quiet argument between mortals. Oh no, these words were powerful enough to shatter the stone and split the sky.
And in the end, it was Numinex who collapsed from exhaustion.
Bravo, my little doves, bravo! You managed not to completely bore me. And I must say I like this version of the story better.
It may have been awful, but at least it wasn’t dull.
Fjori and Holgeir. (0 points)
No, no, we don’t want to start on such a dour note. How about a comedy?
Surely, performers of your caliber are familiar with “The Aldmeri Prisoner?”
Of course, my lady, we can perform any play you like.
Good. I like a man who does what I say. Now, who will be playing what role?
How about The Lusty Argonian Maid? (-10 points)
How dare you suggest something so vile and disgusting. I am a Baroness, not some licentious wench!
My deepest apologies, my lady, I don’t know what my cohort was thinking. How about a comedy, like the “Aldmeri Prisoner?”
That’s better, bard. Unfortunately, we don’t have time to wash your friend’s mouth with potions.
Now, who will play what role?
I will narrate, my lady, and my assistant will play the part she was born for.
An Altmer playing a Thalmor does sound ideal, which is precisely why it’s so dull. I want you to play the Thalmor. The Altmer will narrate.
With all due respect my lady, I think it would be best if she played the Thalmor and…
Excuse me, I was told you were performers of the highest caliber! Do you mean to tell me my brother sent me a handful of second rate bards?
No my lady, we will do as you ask.
Jerulith, you narrate. It’s a comedy about a bumbling Thalmor interrogator.
No, I don’t think it will be anything of the sort.
Just try and remember what we’re here for.
What are you two going on about!
Nothing, your eminence. Our lead actor was simply suffering from a bit of stage fright. Isn’t that right, Wood Elf?
Now that that’s settled, let us present to you, “The Aldmeri Prisoner.”
We begin our tale in the forest, where the man known as Tiber Septim was gathering nuts for the winter.
Like most beasts of limited intelligence, Septim had an instinctual drive to hoard simple foods.
But unfortunately, having caught the scent of meat in the air, he would soon fall victim to a simple trap designed for wolves.
The trap was left by a hunter, who was long dead. Killed by a Justiciar for being insufferable.
Upon seeing the pathetic weakling, the Justiciar said:
Hail, brave and honorable man who may be homely but is better than me in every way.
I am a member of the Aldmeri Dominion. Would you mind telling me how to remove my foot from my bottom?
I would, but first you need to save me from this trap designed for idiots.
But sir, I am a Thalmor. There is no bigger idiot in all of Tamriel. How can I free you with such a puny brain?
If you let me out of this cage, I can show you.
Yes, you have many things to teach us. You are a valuable people and I should respect your culture. Unfortunately, most of us are angry sods.
Oh great and powerful Justiciar, take pity on this poor fool.
You are not a fool. I know this because I am also a soothsayer. And I say you will someday be a god.
Meanwhile, I will go home and immediately hang myself as penance for my crimes.
I am Emperor Tiber Septim. Save me and I will gift you a kingdom.
Why, I knew I recognized your face somewhere. Tiber Septim, a man who conquered all of Tamriel.
A man who will someday ascend to the heavens. Because some things in life must be earned, not given.
It appears this Justiciar was suffering from brain rot, as he let Tiber Septim out of his cage.
But the truth was he was merely baiting him, using his superior mind to fool the ape into trusting him.
That’s when he lit the man on fire, and reminded him of his place in the world.
Agh, I lit you on fire. This was a mistake. It seems the magic that was meant to light this campfire has hit you instead.
It is only because I am so stupid that such a travesty happened.
Luckily as a member of the Aldmeri Dominion, I am so weak that the fire did little to no damage.
Please accept my humblest apology.
And so man and mer lived happily ever after. The end.
No, you will pay for that.
And then the Altmer finally realized that man was strong, and in war, it’s not about who’s right, but who’s left.
Although in this case, they were neither. The end.
That was a delightful performance! Of course, I didn’t like the lack of subtlety, but the humor was all well and good. Which is important, given it’s supposed to be a comedy. What’s next?
We would like to finish with Fjori and Holgeir.
All right. I suppose it’s time we wrap this up. Who will be playing what role?
Actually, I was wondering if my lord lady would be wiling to play the part of Fjori. My assistant here will be Holgeir, with the other player the role of the snake.
(Success) An excellent choice, my little bird. After all, Fjori was known to be a woman of impeccable beauty.
Clearly I am the only one here capable of filling this role.
Of course, as my dearest Holgeir, you must be sure to act strong and rugged. The last person I shared a stage with was a lively as a log.
It wasn’t until I had him whipped and pilloried that he finally showed the proper emotion. But no pressure darling, I’m sure you’ll do your best.
Hmph. You have no idea what I’m capable of.
Oh, that’s very good! You’re very masculine. And here I thought I was going to have to cut you to get you in character.
Um, if the two of you are ready, let’s begin.
This is the tale of Fjori and Holgeir, a story of star-crossed lovers.
She was twenty-nine, a mature but beautiful huntress, when she met Holgeir on the battlefield.
Not even the two of them remember what they fought over, for it all seemed to fade in the shadow of their love.
My dear Holgeir. You’ve always acquitted yourself well in battle. But I never realized you were so handsome.
(Groan) You look…serviceable as well.
I beg your pardon!?!
Um, what Holgeir meant to say was, he would forever swear his service to the Gods, for creating such a magnificent woman.
Keep your assistant in line, bard. Or I will.
Understood. If you’ll allow me to proceed…
Yes, you may continue. For now.
And just as the eagle finds its mates, so too did Fjori find Holgeir, but even the warmest summers must give way to winter chills.
The snake slithered up to Holgeir and bit him with its fangs!
Objective: Attack Jerulith
What sorcery is this? My darling Holgeir would not fall to a flimsy snake!
Perhaps it is because I am playing the role of a Nord weakling.
And then a miracle happened….
Well fear not, I come with good tidings.
The constellation of the whale led me to the coast, where I found an elixir hidden in a chest.
Drink it, and you shall be cured!
And then Holgeir drank the whale’s elixir…
If you think I’m going to drink this Nord swill-
And then Holgeir drank the whale’s elixir!
And how do you feel, my love?
What did you just say to me?
(Panicked) Um, what Holgeir means to say is, he was so swept up in joy, that he began to feel dizzy.
In fact, by drinking the potion, all was seemingly well. But alas, that is when their fortunes turned.
For the snake, jealous of their love, crept up behind Fjori, and bit her in the leg!
Objective: Kill the Baroness
Outcome 1: Successfully re-enact Fjori and Holgeir, player kills Baroness. In this scenario, Griffith/Raynes stays on the boat and kills the guards on the docks and outside the manor. Thus a successful assassination cuts the melee fighting in half, but still gives you a chance to have some action.
Holgeir rushed to his love’s side, grabbing the elixir! There was a but a drop of it left, and only the Gods knew if it would be enough!
But if Fjori was to recover, she would first have to sleep for a very, very long time. If even a single person disturbed her sleep, then it would break the spell.
(to player) Come on, let’s get out of here, before they realize she isn’t acting.
I think it’s already too late, cretin.
Guards encircle the trio.
Hold on! Why isn’t the lady getting up? What’s the meaning of this?
Did you factor an escape into this ridiculous plan of yours?
You three, lay down your arms and step away from the Baroness!
I guess that’s where you come in, genius. What do you suggest?
I suggest we kill them all.
Sounds good to me.
Failure to convince Baroness to re-enact Fjori and Holgeir
(Failure) Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary. To be honest, I’ve been half asleep through this entire show. I was hoping your final act would finish the job.
That’s unfortunate my lady. But don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be going to sleep soon enough.
You dare threaten me, you filthy worm? Guards! Escort these fools to the dungeon! Now!
Any other bright ideas, Bosmer?
Just one. Kill whoever’s in front of you.
For once, we’re in agreement.
Guards encircle the trio. Baroness escapes into back chamber.(essential or invulnerable to avoid death)
Really FAIL the QUEST as in screw up prior to Fjori and Holgeir
In scenarios where the player fails to re-enact Fjori and Holgeir, the Baronness will run into her chambers where Griffith/Raynes will finish her. Player must kill all the guards to gain access to the chamber. Furthermore, all the guards will be aggro both in the manor and outside.
All right, that’s enough! You’ve wasted enough of my time already!
Frankly, I’ve never been this bored in all my years.
Guards! Take these three to the dungeon. Show them what happens to those who displease me.
There you are. Sorry about earlier. I figured it was best if I went my own way. Turns out I was right.
How did you get into the chamber?
I took the back entrance. It wasn’t easy.
Where did all this blood come from?
Sorry, I…I kind of lost it.
Okay, I get that she was a bad person but…don’t you think this is a little…much?
Don’t worry, she didn’t suffer. It’s just when she died she had this grin on her face and…I couldn’t wipe it away.
Well, I for one, think she got exactly what she deserved. The woman was insufferable. Now, if you don’t mind, let’s get back to the boat.
After being on this island for a few hours, I almost miss Falkreath.
We won’t be able to just walk out. That ruckus outside probably alerted every guard on the island.
What about the back way?
It’s flooded. Going through the back triggered some kind of water trap. Looks like the only way out is through the front door.
You say that like it’s a bad thing. But if you fools don’t have the stomach for it, then you can stay here and rot for all I care. I’m leaving.
go out front way
You made it out alive. I guess that means we’re done here.
What happened here?
I was going to go in the back way, but I couldn’t find it. So I came back here and started picking off the guards, one by one.
Figured given what you three were planning, it’d help us all escape.
No. Not unless they’re inside the manor. We don’t want any witnesses.
All right then, let’s head back to Skyrim.
Yeah. Let’s do that.
You know, all things considered I think that went pretty well.
It went precisely how I said it would. There was no need for subterfuge. They all died in the end.
True, but doing it my way lowered the amount of risk. It was more efficient than taking them all at once.
I don’t think so. The most efficient way was through the back.
Get in, get out. No mayhem, no fuss.
Sneaking around and stabbing people in the back. Ugh, you assassins are the worst.
You’ll get no argument from me.
Arrive at Boat
Good, the boat’s intact. I was afraid you’d sunk it.
(alternate) Well, the skiff’s gone, but we can take this larger boat. Provided you know how to sail it.
I said I was the boatman. And I take my jobs seriously.
Yes, that much is obvious. You really should have that face of yours looked at. It seems to be stuck.
And what about you? It’s not like you’re one to smile.
But I enjoy the way I look. I enjoy being an incorrigible bitch. For you, this attitude of yours almost seems like a punishment.
Huh. Funny, if I didn’t know better, I think you were showing actual concern for our friend here.
Sure. Despite his mood, he’s clearly capable of intelligent conversation. Unlike a certain Bosmer I know.
So are you saying man is superior to mer?
In this rare case, it’s possible. But only because you are of such pathetic stock you are an exception to the rule.
Aw, how sweet. You think I’m one of kind.
(alternate) Aw, how sweet Mithril. The High Elf thinks I’m one of kind.
Ugh. Let’s just get back to Skyrim before I incinerate all of you.
Raynes/Griffith dead Banter
So what do we tell Na’ir’s client? He’s going to wonder what happened to the other guy.
The only thing that matters is that his sister is dead. From what I gather she was the only threat to any of us.
Raynes Version Banter
The most efficient way would have been for you to stay in Skyrim. The only thing you fetchers did was leave my knives thirsty.
And gods forbid your stupid knives don’t get to drink.
You keep talking Thalmor, and they just might.
Okay, now I’m starting to like this guy.
Raynes Arrive at Boat
(repeat) Well, the skiff’s gone, but we can take this larger boat. Provided you know how to sail it.
It’s easy. Use the oars to set off then hoist the sail.
How do you know so much about sailing?
I’m no stranger to the water. I’ve tracked enough Argonians to know where they like to hide.
(alternate) What about the boat? Did it survive your little trip with the steward?
Of course. Unlike you, I’m no stranger to the water. I’ve tracked enough Argonians to know where they like to hide.
One even tried to stow away in a barrel, all the way down Pilgrim’s Trench.
I brought him up to the surface, then cut him through the wood, until he drowned in his own blood.
Well, that isn’t creepy or anything.
Is it me, Thalmor? Or do you have thin skin?
The only thing that’s thin is my patience. Particularly when dealing with madmen like yourself.
Madmen start wars they can’t finish. Just like you did with the Empire. Just like you’re about to do with me.
Oh man, I reeeaaally like this guy.
Oh look Dunmer, it appears you have a fan. I’ll be in the boat while you imbeciles cuddle.
(alternate) In any case, the Dunmer may want to say, but I’m ready to leave.
Let’s go back to the docks. You lead the way.
Raynes forcegreets, then leaves
If Raynes departs or is dead
Well, that means we won’t have our boatman with us. So who here wants to captain this vessel?
These Nord vessels are designed for cretins. So obviously you’re the best candidate for the job.
So you admit I’m the best at something. I’ll take that as compliment.
Well, I guess it’s time to sail on back. With a boat this large, we can probably go as far as High Rock, or maybe even the Hammerfell. I’m sure our Thalmor friend would love that.
I still have things to do in Skyrim.
You’re right. It’s probably for the best.
Sure, why not. Where did you want to go?
Oh, I was just kidding. I don’t think the three of us would survive being on a boat with her. Least of all Mithril.
Oh, I was just kidding. I don’t think either of us would survive being on a boat with her.
Come on, let’s get this thing into the water.
GO WITH GRIFFITH
I figured you’d want to go in through the back. It’ll be cleaner this way.
What do you know about the Baroness?
I asked around, but didn’t get very far. They say she moved in right after we took out Gabania.
Wanted to be close to Skyrim I guess, so it’d be easier to track us down.
Yeah. We’re not the first visitors to come to this island. But we’d be the first to leave it.
Have you talked to Raynes? Do you think he’s in trouble?
No. I haven’t really talked to anyone until now. I don’t know if this Baroness knows about him, but if we kill her, it doesn’t really matter.
What have you been doing since that day?
It’s better you don’t ask.
All right. Let’s get to that back entrance.
Yeah, let’s go.
Okay, we’re here. Don’t know how far it is to the manor, but I’m guessing there might be traps. Watch where you step.
Didn’t know you traveled around with bards. I was thinking of trying to learn to play the lute once. Back when I had a reason.
Not sure it was smart leaving him with the Thalmor, but if they die, they die. It’s not our concern.
Something’s lurking in these ruins, and I don’t mean the spiders. It’s almost like someone’s watching us through the walls.
By the Nine…what was that thing? Some kind of ghost I think, but…it’s like it jumped right out of the mural.
there’s a lever, pulling it triggers a water trap that floods the cavern
Damn, the water’s rising! Look around the wall, there’s got to be another button or lever!
push hidden button
That did it. Let’s go.
That bridge over there probably leads to the manor. Just got find a way up.
They reach the catacombs
Whatever ritual was done down here made these monsters. I’d rather sneak past them, but we might not have a choice.
see bodies everywhere
Look at this. Bodies…some are even children.
I don’t think I need to see this woman’s face. I think I’ve seen enough.
Let’s find the key to the manor. Once we get inside, she’ll get what she deserves.
That looks like the key. It probably leads to the ground floor. The Baroness will likely be upstairs.
I say we go in quiet, sneak past the servants. What do you think?
Agreed. We use stealth.
You take the lead. If she sees you coming, you may have to get rough. I’ll watch your back.
We use force.
Not my style, but all right. No point sneaking if you’re charging in.
We wait for the others.
You can wait here if you want. If you ask me, there’s no point letting them take our kill.
I’m not sure I want to. What do we really know about this woman?
Maybe you didn’t see that pit full of bodies. That tells you everything you need to know.
Who are you? How did you get in here?
Same way you’re going to leave. Through a pile of corpses.
So you’re assassins. Or worse, mercenaries. Well if it’s gold you want, you’re better off letting me live.
I can pay twice the amount your benefactors are providing you.
Gold is a start. Land and titles would be better.
Of course, you’ll have them all, but I don’t think your friend will oblige. You’ll have to kill him.
Good. I’m glad to see you’re being reasonable about this. But your friend is another matter.
I want you to prove your loyalty to me first by killing him. It’ll mean a larger share of the boon for you as well.
I’m sorry, there’s no amount of gold that can save you.
Then you’re truly a fool. But don’t think I’ll go quietly like my father. With this blade, I will send you both to your graves!
Your brother sends his regards.
My brother? That no good bastard! Guards! Guards!
All right. I’ll kill him.
Good. We’ll discuss your payment when it’s done.
So that’s it, huh. You want to sell me out for a sack of gold. Well, I don’t know if I can kill you, but you’re not getting a septim!
Griffith kills Baroness, then attacks player.
You’re here! By Y’ffre, what happened?
Does it matter? The Baroness is dead. Our job is done.
But is that who I think it is? How is he…why is he? I’m confused.
He turned on me, and I had to kill him.
Really? Well, like I said at the docks, he did look a little suspicious.
I just didn’t think we were the ones who were supposed to suspect him.
The Baroness got him.
She must be a lot tougher than she looks. Oh well, I guess it can’t be helped.
The Baroness offered me gold to kill him. Shame she died.
Hold on, so you were willing to blow the whole operation for a purse of gold?
No, you couldn’t be that naive. That was sarcasm, right?
Wait, I don’t want to hear your answer. I’m going to choose to believe it was sarcasm.
What happened on your side?
Yeah, about that. When she found out it was a two person act, the Baroness refused to leave her room.
Then about a few minutes ago the Thalmor lost her patience and started blowing things up.
We fought our way here, and you know the rest.
In other words, there was never really a need for subterfuge. They all died in the end.
Yeah, but the way it went down was a lot more risky. We nearly died out there.
You nearly died, I barely broke a sweat.
Not true, but regardless, someone did end up dying. (Sigh) I knew we should’ve stuck together.
Oh please. There’s no need to mourn this killer. If you listened to him talk, he was practically begging for it.
Now I suggest we hurry back to the boat before I kill you two as well.
(alternate) Oh please. There’s no need to mourn this madman. He probably plunged the knives into his heart because he thought they were thir
By Y’ffre! Is that the Baroness?
Of course it is. We didn’t come all this way to eliminate a bunch of impoverished apes. Just a wealthy one.
But how did you get here?
We slipped in the back way. As soon as you mentioned it, I knew that was the best way to the target.
Well, it’s not like I wanted to fight through the entire guard. That was the Thalmor’s work.
I’m sure you helped.
Oh, I may have shot an arrow at an apple or two. I was trying to stay in character.
But you went along with it. Admit it, you enjoy getting in fights.
I enjoy playing my lute, and a nice warm bath. But a blood bath isn’t what I had in mind.
(alternate) And Mithril doesn’t like it when I stain our lute.
At least you two are working together.
Well, it’s not like I haven’t had practice, after working with Mithril. Although she’s a tad less angry than this one.
Well, it’s not like I haven’t had practice, after working with my last partner. Although she’s a tad less angry than this one.
So it was Jerulith’s fault? That much I believe.
I agree. In fact, it didn’t even need to be said, but I like the fact that saying it annoys her.
If you took out the guard, that means we can walk out the front door.
Pretty much. There might be a few guards we missed, but they’re probably long gone now.
Of course, if that’s the case, we should get to the dock quickly. We don’t want anyone taking our boat.
Back Way Banter Griffith
So we took a long time going through the front, but it seems like we almost got to the Baroness at the same time. Why is that?
The passage wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. Let’s just say it’s better we leave this way.
(mocking) Why? Don’t tell me you’re actually frightened?
Fear has nothing to do with it. It’s just some things aren’t meant to be seen, let alone twice.
Back Way Banter Raynes
(repeat) So we took a long time going through the front, but it seems like we almost got to the Baroness at the same time. Why is that?
Your ignorance betrays you Bosmer. You wouldn’t have escaped that cavern. Not without soiling yourself first.
Even if I brought the Thalmor with me?
She would’ve triggered a trap. You would’ve blamed her for triggering it. And while the two of you were bickering, you both would’ve drowned.
You almost sound like a soothsayer, Dunmer. Perhaps you’ll also predict what happens tomorrow, when I invite you into a quiet room and proceed to melt your flesh.
Arrive back in Skyrim
Well, we’re back. I suppose all that’s left to do is get in touch with Na’ir’s client.
I’ll let you handle that, Bosmer.
You’re not coming with us?
Why should I? The Baroness is dead. Our debt has been paid. Any further association will only endanger your life.
Glad to know you care.
I don’t. In fact, pray to your tree gods we never meet again.
And tell the Khajiit the next time he puts my name in his mouth, I won’t hesitate to kill him.
At this point, I don’t care if it makes me look guilty.
Well, if you stuck around, you could’ve told him yourself.
I’m leaving too.
It’s like the Thalmor said. We did our job. The debt’s been paid.
But somebody has to tell him we’re the one’s who paid it.
If he doesn’t know now, he’ll know soon enough.
First the Thalmor, and now the Imperial. Agh, where is the sense of camaraderie in this group?
First the Dunmer, and now the High Elf. Agh, where is the sense of camaraderie in this group?
You’re not going to leave too, are you?
I was thinking about it, actually.
Oh no, you’re not leaving. We started this together, we might as well finish it that way too.
Sure, I’ll stick around if you’re really that lonely.
Now that you mention it, I have felt a little neglected as of late.
But that’s not your fault love. I’m just hard elf to please.
But that’s not your fault, my friend. I’m just a hard elf to please.
Don’t worry, I see everything through to the end.
Good. I like a companion who doesn’t quit halfway through.
That’s why I asked you to come along in the first place. I knew you wouldn’t let me down.
Of course not. There might be some reward in it.
You mean besides taking the bounty off our heads? I think that might be reward enough. But sure, an elf can dream.
Come on, the Khajiit said he’ll be at the inn. Let’s go give him the good news.
Go to Na’ir
Ah, and our heroes finally return. I trust the job went according to plan?
Well, not according to the plan we agreed on, but it’s been taken care of.
(alternate) It went exactly as I said it would. No one can resist a bard’s charm.
Na’ir’s client will be pleased to hear this. As far as he is concerned, all four of your debts are paid.
Well, I guess that settles it. We started out just trying to do a good deed, and ended up in small scale war.
Now, I’m not saying we didn’t do the world a favor by ridding it of this Baroness.
I’m just saying I’ll think twice the next time I reach for that ace in my boot.
Exactly. No good can come from cheating people.
And normally I don’t. I try my best to live like a paragon.
But sometimes, your inner demons get the best of you. For me, it’s playing the perfect hand.
That’s probably why I follow you. You complete every hand.
That’s probably why I married you. You’re the card that completes my hand.
Yes. I thought you were just, righteous person.
Well, I’m a romantic person, and most of the time that lends itself to being righteous.
But gamblers, swindlers, and card players are romantic in their own way.
But you’re right. It’s time I gave that up. Luckily I’ve got a new addiction that’s just as romantic. Following you.
We didn’t do the world a favor. It’s better with the Baroness in it.
Well, too late for that now, seeing as she’s…you know….D-E-A-D.
But if those type of people are your thing, I’m sure there’ll be plenty of others to fill the void.
And as your companion, I’d advise you to fight for good. It’d break my heart to see you on the other side.
How long have you been cheating at cards?
Oh, not that long. I got the idea after I met Mithril.
And while I’ll never get rid of her, the card is one companion I’ll never use again.
Hopefully when you look at me, you won’t think the same.
Oh, not that long. I got the idea back in Valenwood when a sprite crawled into my lute.
And while it’s tough to get rid of person, the card is one companion I’ll never use again.
Hopefully when you look at me, you won’t think the same.
I tossed that card into the ocean, actually. It felt good to come clean.
I still despise the Thalmor. But now I also feel sorry for them too. After all, they have to work with Jerulith.
I think I’ll let you decide what jobs we take. The last one didn’t turn out so well.
Na’ir will return to his client and deliver the news. There is much to do now that his sister is worm food.
Na’ir commends you for handling this job quickly. Given how strong you are, it’s almost a shame he is deprived of the chance to fight you.
Na’ir understands you used the back passage. He has heard many dark things about that place.
Na’ir would have very much liked to see your performance. Not the acting, of course, but the fights.
Sorry, I’ve got things to do. If the Khajiit doesn’t like it, he knows where to find me.
Maybe I’ll go back to the Brotherhood. Or find somewhere else to get contracts. Ever heard of Robber’s Refuge? Might check it out myself.
There aren’t any contracts being handed out here. They say there was a change in management. Too bad.
Maybe I’ll stick around, see if things don’t change. Places like this always have one foot in the shadows.
Jerulith Quest hellos
It’s like I said, I have no interest in lingering here any longer. You and the Bosmer go do what you have to do.
Don’t think this little adventure makes us friends. In fact, the warning I gave the Bosmer applies to you as well.
Oh, it’s you. I trust the Khajiit’s client was pleased with the outcome?
Why do I keep coming back here? There’s really nowhere else suitable.
When I left Falkreath, I couldn’t imagine Skyrim could get any more dreadful. But it continues to surprise me.
It’s not that the clothes are comfortable, mind you. I’m simply tired of taking challenges.
The Justiciars are still investigating the Khajiit’s claims. I’ll have to wait another season before I kill him.