A Letter…Not Sure Who From


Welcome to another edition of the, er, we’ll say bi-weekly mailbag. All questions are from spammers who send their letters via courier, whether that be in Skyrim or New Vegas.

If any humans would like to send a question, PM me here or email them to kristakahashi@gmail.com. Just make sure to let me know this is for the mailbag and that you want your name public, or else I will attribute your question to spammers.

On to the mailbag:

Seismicunderdog asks:

As a lifelong screwup, I think having save points would be the greatest thing ever. Imagine being able to save before going to a job interview or asking out someone you like.

I don’t know, a world without consequences sounds like a bad, bad idea. Besides, it would only work if each load caused the universe to split, otherwise the world would be stuck in a neverending loop of reloads. After all, the person you screwed over when you got that job after five tries isn’t going to take your shit lying down.

Introduce mutliverses into the equation and things get ethically hairy. Because whenever you reload and scamper off to another universe, the rest of us are left to deal with the aftermath of all your horrible decisions.

Beisbol asks:

Did you purposefully name Valgus “light” (Estonian) or accidentally? :D

Happy accident. I don’t really put much thought into names outside of making them Google unique. So if Rumarin means nose-picker in Swahili that wasn’t intentional either.

Norcalfunpal asks:

Why is it that when a show has zombies, who are literally dead people walking around biting people, we can suspend our disbelief, but when the actual human beings do something stupid, it’s a plot hole?

I think part of the reason is the average viewer understands human behavior better than they understand complex science. With humans, we know right away when certain actions feel wrong or out of character. Like if a trained cop doesn’t know how to properly secure a prisoner. When the prisoner escapes or overpowers him, it feels dumb, and it makes us feel smarter for pointing it out.

What the majority of us are not, is virologists, or microbiologists, or doctors of any kind. It’s a lot harder to sound the bullshit alarm when it’s all magic to begin with.

But maybe if you’re an expert on contagious diseases and have poor social skills, the whole thing gets flipped. Maybe for you the existence of zombies is by far the biggest plot hole in the entire show, and you don’t give a damn that Lori is mad at Rick for no reason when the far bigger fraud is the quack scientist who got his degree from the Julliard School of Acting.

Free Accordian asks:

I like how the story mode on 2K16 has an actual story. The problem is it doesn’t seem to really adapt to my choices, or give me any at all. It also fails to explain how my Caucasian PC has an African-American family.

I think it’s great. My character, LaceDarius Tate, is probably the worst player in the history of basketball. In fact, I’m not entirely sure he knows what a basketball is. Regardless, he was drafted by the Cleveland Cavaliers in the first round. Because of course he was.

It gets even better. LaceDarius has gone on to single-handedly sabotage the Cavaliers title hopes, and yet his assigned Kardashian is urging him to star in movies. Despite the fact this team has LeBron James on it, the owner spends all his free time worrying about a guy who plays roughly 4 minutes a game and is horrible for every second of it.

Meanwhile the agent – the guy who’s supposed to be overselling his client – seems to be the only one who realizes LaceDarius’ entire career is a sham. That’s why he’s constantly pushing to earn more money in the short term, before someone bothers to actually look up his client’s basketball reference page. Not only that, he’s actually succeeding.

Better take some notes, David Falk. My man just got LaceDarius Tate, a career 14% shooter with an average of 0.7 points per game, his own shoe. His own shoe! I can’t wait to find out what other doors open for Mr. Tate as he continues to explore new lows on the basketball court.

Ray Ban Sunglasses asks:

People always talk about how awesome it would be to be immortal, but I think it’d kind of suck. Think about how annoying teenagers are. As an immortal being, the whole world would be teenagers.

Well, while people might seem incredibly naive and callow when compared to your centuries’ worth of experience, I think you’d get over it. My bigger concern with immortality would be finding another planet to live on when the solar system reaches its eventual expiration date.

When the sun swallows the earth and you are left to boil alive in an endless hellfire, or float forever in the cold vacuum of space as an immortal popsicle, well…the 5 billion years of happy fun time that came before might not have been worth it. If you wish yourself immortal, you will essentially be making a large, large bet on space travel.

Plexifloss asks:

I don’t get why people say someone has a “glass jaw.” Punching glass sounds pretty dangerous. Sure, it might shatter, but the only one bleeding will be you.

Not exactly. The glass in this instance is replacing your bones, and those bones are still trapped under a layer of skin. So when you punch Glass Joe in the jaw, you’re essentially filling his body with dangerous shards that will likely slice up his internal organs and do far more damage than your punch ever could. You can talk about Mortal Kombat all you want, but Mike Tyson’s Punch Out! is pretty metal in its own right.

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