Boop – Female Child
Beulah Clarke – Female Ghoul Engineer
Beep-Beep – Male Robot
Excuse me miss…
Excuse me mister, you haven’t happened to see any sir phones lying around here, have you? Or micro cone troll bars?
Do you mean servos and microcontrollers? As in robot parts?
Oh, cool! You like robots too? They’re my favorite kind of thingamabob.
Sorry kid, I’m afraid not.
Crap. I mean, scraps. That’s what I’m looking for. Scraps!
What on earth is that?
It’s the robot stuff that makes your hand go up. You know, for high-fives! They say you’re not a real person if you can’t give a good high-five.
Those are dangerous tools in the hands of a child.
I’m not a child! In about a week I’ll be almost two digits old!
What do you need the parts for?
Yeah, he’s my best friend in the whole, whole, whole, whole, whole wide world! And I’m gonna save him!
Is Beep-Beep the name of your robot?
He’s not mine, he’s his! Or hers! We haven’t decided yet.
That’s mighty admirable of you.
Yeah! I’m admunable.
So your best friend is sick? That’s tragic! We have to do something!
And we will! The Phantom would never give up, and neither will we!
I’ve always wanted a robot for a best friend myself.
We have a lot in common! Do you also like to eat bugs?
Death is a natural part of life, child. It’s time you learned that lesson.
But I don’t like learning. Unless it’s about robots. Then I like it lot.
How did Beep-Beep get sick?
Well, we were play fighting, and I got a little too excited and broke the digeridoo on his high-five hand.
But I won’t know what’s really wrong until I replace his thingamajig with new PB&Js.
That’s P for pulse mom-you-later, B for backside bum, and J for jelly. The jelly holds everything together.
If you’re looking for robot parts, why are you in a junkyard for cars?
What are cars?
That’s a good question. What the hell is a car?
It’s like a wagon made of metal and…point is, it’s not a robot.
It’s not? But then why do they have plates with their names on them?
A Pre-War invention that ran on batteries and gasoline.
Kind of like a robot, right? I don’t think Beep-Beep passes gas though.
If you don’t know, then how do you know they’ll have the parts you need?
Because they have big yellow eyeballs and metal teeth. You wouldn’t have them if you weren’t supposed to talk.
Where’d you learn about servos and microcontrollers?
Well, I was trying to show Beep-Beep how to give people the thumbs up like Vault Boy.
But Beep-Beep didn’t have any thumbs, or joints, or a geronimo-scope.
What’s the gyroscope for?
It tells you which way is up! You don’t want to point your thumbs down when you mean up.
A Geronimo scope? Oh I get it now. You’re a moron.
What’s a moron?
Robots don’t have joints. They have hinges.
Oh, right! You’re smart. I bet you’d get all the high fives back home.
Is there anything I can do to help?
Yeah! That’s where the list comes from! Beep-Beep is real-life sick. so a pretend doctor like me can’t fix him.
But I won’t let that stop me. If we get all the stuff on that list, I bet he’ll have enough babbly juice to fix himself!
All right, I’ll help you.
Okay, then it’s your turn to play doctor! I’ll be your trusty sidekick, Wyatt Burp! Let’s go!
(say VAPL like apple, so vapple)
This is too dangerous. Let me take care of it. You stay with your friend.
All right! I’ll be waiting at the VAPL power station with juice and high fives!
Not right now, kid.
You’re a cowgirl now?
That’s right. I don’t know nothing except shooting folks and roping brahmin.
Is it easy to switch roles like that?
Sure! When you pretend, you can be whatever you want.
I was a robotimacyst because Beep-Beep needed me.
Now you’re Doctor Holiday, and I’m his boyfriend Wyatt Burp, the fastest gun in the west!
Tell me more about yourself. How did you and Beep-Beep meet?
Mmmm…I don’t remember. That’s because a bad witch put me under a spell.
But Beep-Beep said abracadabra and blew the witch’s house down!
And they lived happily ever after.
So you were a princess?
Yup. Witches and princesses don’t get along either. That’s a fact.
Sounds like you got amnesia. Like in one of those Pre-War soap operas.
I don’t like soap. Baths are for town folk.
Did you? Because it seems to me this isn’t the happiest of endings.
But this is a different show. It might end as happy, or it might be even better! Tune in to find out!
If that’s true, I’m sorry. I’m glad Beep-Beep was there to rescue you.
He was great! The witch was like “Grrrr!” and Beep-Beep was like “Whooosh!”
And then it was high fives and nuka-cola for everyone!
Let’s discuss the items on your list.
Sure, what do you want to talk about?
Why do you need scrap metal?
I don’t know. It’s robot food, isn’t it? Like, “don’t leave any scraps at the table!”
So we don’t need actual scraps to save Beep-Beep.
I guess not. I just thought he’d be hungry.
That’s a good enough explanation for me. Here.
All right! I bet they’re delicious too!
Sorry. I don’t have any scrap metal.
Aw…but I guess he doesn’t really need it.
Why a conductor?
Here’s a conductor.
Yes! Now Beep-Beep can play music and ride trains too!
Why a Steam Gauge Assembly?
Well, you know how you buy a toy, and it says “no assembly required?” This is just in case Beep-Beep doesn’t say that.
In other words, I don’t need to find you a Steam Gauge Assembly either.
Hm…probably not. But what if he needs it? Do you really want to take that chance? Ah well.
You can never be too careful. All right, here you go.
Wow, it’s heavy. Maybe Beep-Beep won’t need it after all. You can keep it for now.
What’s the junk food for?
Oh, that one’s for me. But it has junk in it, so I thought, maybe you wouldn’t notice!
Here, have some junk food.
Yay! You’re the best!
That’s all the questions I have.
That’s all the items on the list.
All right! Now all that’s left to do is fix Beep-Beep! To the power station, Doctor Holiday!
I need your help, Boop. Follow me.
Yes! The Little Booper and The Big Bopper, together again!
Oh, it’s you. Did you change your mind?
Don’t worry. I’m heading back home now.
Did you get the parts?
Our patient needs help, but the doctor and his cowgirl nurse are on the job!
Need me to hogtie and rope something?
When Beep-Beep’s better, the three of us are gonna have loads of fun playing make-believe!
Let’s go! Yippee-Kai-Yay!
go back to power station
Yay! You’re here! You’re going to fix Beep Beep now, right?
Yay! We’re back!
after chatting with Beep Beep
So can you do it? Can you fix Beep Beep?
In a matter of speaking, yes.
All right! I knew you could do it! A real hero never lets the bad guys win! So, where to next partner?
If we can find the replacement battery. Can’t make any promises though.
That’s okay. Mama promised she’d stay with me forever, and that didn’t turn out so good.
But I know you won’t let me down! So where to next?
Beep Beep, if that’s his real name, isn’t even broken. He’s just conserving energy.
But that means he is broken! If Beep Beep can’t run and play and be my friend, what good is he!
He said all we need is a babbly thingy, right? Then let’s go get it!
I want to know more about your parents.
The Phantom doesn’t have time for parents! She’s too busy being the world’s greatest cat burglar!
You’re not Wyatt Burp anymore?
Wyatt Burp? That’s a stupid boy’s name! No, I am La Fantoma! The Phantom!
Oh great, now who are you pretending to be?
Who else, but the greatest cat burglar you’ve never seen! La Fantoma! The Phantom!
Surely she wouldn’t do it without her fateful sidekick, the Lone Wanderer!
Never! The Phantom and the Loner are joined at the hip! They see the coppers and poke them in the eye!
Why the Phantom?
Because we’re gonna sneak into RobCo and take what’s ours!
I have some errands to run. Meet me at the RobCo facility.
All right! The Phantom will be waiting in the shadows!
Scene with Engineer
Can you really? Can you help Beep-Beep?
Is Beep-Beep your robot friend? What’s wrong with him?
He can’t do high fives! His body won’t move!
Sounds like either a servo error or a shutdown of secondary functions. But he can still talk? His brain still works?
Oh yeah! Beep-Beep loves to talk! He won’t shut up!
This is good news. If a prototype is already functional, I won’t even need to build my machine! Little girl, can you take me to this robot?
Sure! The Phantom will lead the way!
if clicked on while going back to VAPL
Beep Beep is making lots of new friends! Play time is going to be even better now!
So it looks like the entire core function has been rewritten. Amazing.
That’s right, Beep Beep is the most amazing person in the whole, whole, whole, whole, whole, whole…
There goes that plan.
…whole wide world!
Scene if Beep-Beep’s mind is replaced
Are you waking him up? Is he going to get better?
Actually, your friend here decided that instead of trying to make himself better, he’s going to help other people instead.
How’s he going to do that?
Beep…beep…beep…Systems Reboot in Progress…
Beep-Beep! You’re awake! How do you feel?
Scanning target. Target is healthy. Disengaging.
Well what do you know? It works.
Yay! Come on, Beep-Beep, let’s play Robots and Super Mutants! You can even be the robot this time!
Scanning target. Target is healthy. Disengaging.
I’m sorry kid.
What did you do to him!
I made him better.
No you didn’t! You killed him! You’re not a doctor! You’re a monster!
Scanning target. Target is healthy. Disengaging.
Scene if Boop is adopted
What’s wrong? Why haven’t you fixed Beep Beep yet?
Well, we first need to take him to a special clinic. It’s about two days’ walk from here. Are you up for it?
Are you kidding miss? I’m up for anything if it means saving my best friend!
Oh, we’re gonna save a whole lot of people. You, me, and your robot friend together.
All right! I can’t wait! Just call me John Cassidy, the caravan king!
Well, I guess this means goodbye. It was really fun playing pretend with you. We should do it again some time!
I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Yeah, who needs the world when you got friends like me and Beep Beep!
Maybe. We’ll see.
You really should come. I bet there’ll be costumes to wear and bugs to eat and all sorts of neat stuff!
We might not even have to pretend! It’ll be great!
Nah, you’re better off playing with children your own age.
Yeah, but I’ll catch up to you soon. Did I tell you, I’m almost ten!
Anyways, be sure to visit me in my new home.
I’m even gonna have Beep-Beep dress as a maid and greet you at the door! You’ll see! It’ll be great!
if Beep Beep reprogrammed
What’s going on? What have you done to him!?!?
I’m afraid you’re going to have to say goodbye to your friend.
No! I don’t wanna! You said you were gonna fix him! Why are you doing this?
He’s going to make a lot of sick people better. People like your mom and dad. But he has to change first.
But why can’t he save people and be my friend? Why can’t he do both?
The world doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes you have to choose.
I…I think I understand. Papa used to say that too.
When my parents died, it was Beep Beep who made me feel less lonely. Will you be there when it’s time for him to go?
Sure kid. Why not.
Really? Thanks. I think I feel a little better now.
I can’t replace him. I can only be myself.
And everyone else we pretend to be!
But thanks. I feel a little less sad now.
No, I won’t.
I get it. Mama always said one day I couldn’t play pretend. That I’d have to be myself.
I’m sorry. You’ll understand when you’re older.
Mama used to say that all the time. I hated it. But now I just miss her being around.
Beep-Beep’s a toy. Only children play with toys. You’re not a child, are you?
Beep-Beep is not a toy! He’s my best friend! Why can’t he help you and stay the way he is?
First rule of the wastes, kid. Don’t get attached. Not to your friend, and not to me.
That’s a stupid rule! You’re stupid! If you were smart, you’d find a way to help your friend and keep Beep-Beep the way he is!
Yeah, I did say I was gonna fix him, didn’t I. Well, I lied.
You’re mean! Mean and stupid!
I wanna be alone for a bit, if that’s okay.
player comes back after a little bit
Hey! You’re back! I’m think I’m feeling ready to adventure again. You up for it?
What do you want to play this time? How about Orphan Annie Oakley and the Cisco Ghoul!
Do you miss your robot friend?
Yeah. I miss him lots. Just like I miss Mama and Papa too.
It still hurts a bunch, but it a little less than before.
Scene if Beulah is refused
(this whole scene Beulah is fighting back tears, because she knows without the machine the people she loves are going to die)
I’m afraid there’s nothing that can fix him. But here’s the good news. You get to keep him just the way he is now.
Aw…all right. I guess that’s not so bad. We’ll just have to pretend extra hard, won’t we Beep-Beep!
(Smiles) You have to turn him back on. Press the big red button on his back panel.
Wow, you’re smart. I heard some people say ghouls were scary but you’re really nice. You should play with us!
I’d like that. But right now I’ve got to get back home. With the way things are, I’ve only got about a week to tell my wife goodbye.
But you two take care, and best of luck.
if Beep-Beep left alone
So what if Beep-Beep can’t move! There’s lots of pretend things that don’t move!
if adopted by player or left alone
Ready for another adventure? The last one was great, but I bet this time will be even better!
I’m right behind you!
Okay, chief. Let’s go!
All right! High five!
Aw…all right. I’ll be home if you need me!
if adopted by Beulah
It’s too bad you can’t come with us. But ma’am says they’ll be plenty of people to play with back in town.
I’ve never met other children. I hope they like eating bugs as much as I do.
Piggyback time, gotcha!
keep your distance
You won’t even know I’m here!
All right, back on the range!
Okay, batter up!