Callen Script


For these, they’re a little too chill, needs more shock and surprise at seeing a massive horker. Probably punctuated incorrectly, added some exclamation points.

1. That island, over there!  Look!

“taught it to swim!” should probably sound more like the original take, in general I think the old version was more “whoa” -ish.



whereas this one is a little more casual, just a day at the beach relaxing version


2. Wow, look at the size of that thing!  It’s like an Argonian gave birth to a mammoth and taught it to swim!
3. Wow, look at the size of that thing!  It’s like one of you lizards gave birth to a mammoth and taught it to swim!

4.  If I had to rank these Nord cities in order, they’d all be tied for last.

5.  I hate people who complain about thieves.  Want to stop a thief?  Chop off his hands.  Then his sausage if he has one.  Problem solved.

6.  That big ugly housecarl in the Elven armor.  I think he has a thing for Elves, way he was eyeing me.

7.  I spent two months in one of these camps.  Worst part was the mornings.  Only a lunatic wakes up before the sun.

8.  You should try staying in one of these places for a month or so.  Takes at least that long to know the locals.  Half that long for them to annoy you.

9.  Ah, an inn.  I’m going to find the nearest bed, lie down, and say goodbye to the rest of the this week.

10.  The dungeon is like the adventurer’s inn.  We drink, we brawl, and then they give us a free room.

11.  The inn gets more lively on Fredas and Loredas.  Never understood it myself.  Every day can be a day off for me.

12.  Whenever I enter a cave, I think to myself, “Could be bandits, or worse.  As in no bandits.”

13.  Yeah, I’ve bedded a bandit or two in my life.  I like them dangerous.  Makes leaving them easy too, on account of all the danger.

14.  We live in a magical world.  The other day an urchin asked me how to cast a spell, and I used illusion magic to pretend she wasn’t there.

15.  Can you imagine being a dwarf who was afraid of big, empty spaces?  It’d be like being a beggar who was afraid of gold.

16.  When I was in the Imperial army, my commander called me lazy.  I told him he was right, and then I went back to sleep.

17.  Rain. This is why I try to stay away from fur armor.  I got so sick one time there were boats sailing down my nose.

18.  If rain is her tears, snow is like Kynareth’s phlegm.  Who knew so much snot could be in one person?

19.  They say if it bleeds, it can be killed.  I say if it can be smashed, then it can’t be put back together.

20.  My head’s cold. Maybe I need to wear a hat and a helmet.  You don’t think that would look funny, do you?  Wait, why am I asking you?

21.  These Dwarves use their metal for everything.  Forks, knives, plates.  I bet they had metal teeth too, to eat their bowl of rocks with.

22.  Ever get a piece of food stuck in your teeth and you can’t get it out?  It’s been three days now.  I think it’d be easier to rip out the tooth.

23.  Caves are dirty.  You should let me take the lead.  Don’t want to sully that pretty face of yours.

24.  What should we eat for dinner?  I could go for some venison.

25.  Stronghold Orcs are too serious.  Every day it’s forge this or smelt that.  Why don’t they pray to Malacath for a sense of humor?

26. You ever cut those big logs they have stacked up on the mill?  It’s fun, but you don’t get paid.

27.  Toughest battle I ever fought was against an Orc.  They’re like trolls.  They never get tired.

28.  Ugh, I’m sweating like a horker.  Wait a minute…do horkers sweat?  They look sweaty.


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