Got Something I'm Supposed to Deliver

61896c50_2

Welcome to the fourth edition of our weekly mailbag. Again, all the letters below come from real spammers delivered via courier in the game Skyrim. What, you didn’t know you could use Skyrim as an e-mail system? You totally can. I just sent the President my plan for fixing the economy, all he has to do now is download and install Skyrim to get it.

If you prefer regular e-mail and would like to send a question, PM me here or email them to kristakahashi@gmail.com and I will link your website with your name.

On to this week’s questions:

cinture gucci prezzi asks:

Rumarin being number one in your follower rankings is a given, but I’m surprised to see Meresine so far down the list. Can’t we all agree that she’s perfect?

Well, keep in mind the follower rankings are a small sample of about twenty blog readers, and not the opinion of the 45K people who have endorsed the mod. Not to mention all the NPCs are from the same mod, so somebody has to be last. It’s not like if Belethor was ranked higher than Arghus, that would be criminal.

To a larger point, I’d say disagreement, argument, and a lack of consensus is the price we pay for originality. If everyone thought the same we’d never have new art. Often times a new idea is just an old one separated by time, culture, personality, and experience. Whether you’re tweaking an old idea or turning it on its head, it will be different because your tastes aren’t the same as your muse.

Calzado Salomon asks:

So I’m playing New Vegas again and the first time I heard somebody say “Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter,” I immediately pulled out my gun and shot him in the face. Keep in mind I haven’t played this game for five years. You know how people say some things never get old? I’m wondering if some things never get new.

You’re absolutely right. You will never, ever hear that line with fresh ears. You could live a hundred thousand years and travel across galaxies to new worlds and experience everything the universe has to offer. You could consume the breadth of all galactic knowledge until your brain is so full that you forget all that you ever knew about your former life on earth. Yet the moment you start a new playthrough and an NCR soldier tells you what patrolling the Mojave is like, not even being master of space and time itself can stop you from reflexively groaning.

salary for a veterinarian asks:

I was playing the Fenced In quest and wondered about having an option to negotiate with the killer. Because to be honest, I don’t get the phrase “you can’t negotiate with terrorists.” What if he offered to free all the hostages in exchange for a bottle of skooma? Sounds like a good trade to me.

The thing is you can’t take the phrase literally. You can definitely negotiate with terrorists if all they wanted was a pack of smokes and an autographed copy of De Stijl. Some people think any sort of capitulation would encourage copycats, but I actually think a trade this lopsided would have the opposite effect. People would be like “ISIS went through the trouble of kidnapping a building of foreign dignitaries and all they got in exchange was a DVD copy of The Interview. Fuck that, I’m gonna sell goat milk for a living.”

Problem is, terrorist demands are typically unrealistic and made with little expectation that they’ll be met. Hans in Die Hard was even using his demands as a ploy to buy more time and couldn’t care less if the cops did as he asked. And we all know how true to life that film is.

The killer in Fenced In isn’t just unreasonable, he’s insane. He isn’t taking hostages so much as taking victims. He isn’t giving those up for anything, not even a date with Kate Upton and ownership of the state of Nevada. Florida maybe, only because he’s an Argonian and likes to swim.

generic valtrex online asks:

The Super Bowl is probably the most commercial event in all of sports. But there are degenerates out there who actually watch it solely for the ads. What in Sheogorath is this madness? In what other world is watching the commercials a bigger event than the event itself?

Yes, you would never see such a thing happen in…ahem…European football, but handegg is quintessentially American, and a capitalist society demands its 30 seconds of flesh.

In fact, its even worse if you do the math. The Wall Street Journal did a study in 2010 that determined there are only 11 mintues of action in a single game. American football is just a series of short explosions followed by slow motion instant replays and even slower commercial breaks.

It doesn’t feel that way though. You could probably break down a Michael Bay film and find there are only 20 seconds worth of explosions, but you leave the cinema feeling like you watched 90 minutes of uncensored explosion porn. In that sense handegg is the Michael Bay of sports. Of course only one of them gives people CTE.

Anyways, to answer your question, handegg in a lot of ways is a metaphor for life. Most people slog through the work week to get to the weekend. Those people watch the game. The people who watch the for the commercials are like the ones who love their jobs and spend the weekend bored out of their mind.

Myron Scipio asks:

My friend and I have taken to calling our roommate “Skjarn.” That arrogant SOB has no idea why and it’s hilarious. Just thought I’d let you know.

Funny thing is, even Skjarn is smart enough to Google a name. Especially his own. In fact, he can’t stop doing it, being arrogant and all. But in this case, even if your roommate decided to Google the name Skjarn, you’d have an extra layer of encryption because of the power of the soft J. Unless of course, I were to type the word Skyarn or Skyarne or even Squarn in this post. Then he’d find this site, watch the video, and hell would be paid.

Man, it’s a good thing you aren’t real.

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A Letter…Not Sure Who From

61896c50_2

Welcome to the fourth edition of our weekly mailbag. Again, all the letters below come from real spammers delivered via courier in the game Skyrim. What, you didn’t know you could use Skyrim as an e-mail system? You totally can. I just sent the President my plan for fixing the economy, all he has to do now is download and install Skyrim to get it.

If you prefer regular e-mail and would like to send a question, PM me here or email them to kristakahashi@gmail.com and I will link your website with your name.

On to this week’s questions:

cinture gucci prezzi asks:

Rumarin being number one in your follower rankings is a given, but I’m surprised to see Meresine so far down the list. Can’t we all agree that she’s perfect?

Well, keep in mind the follower rankings are a small sample of about twenty blog readers, and not the opinion of the 45K people who have endorsed the mod. Not to mention all the NPCs are from the same mod, so somebody has to be last. It’s not like if Belethor was ranked higher than Arghus, that would be criminal.

To a larger point, I’d say disagreement, argument, and a lack of consensus is the price we pay for originality. If everyone thought the same we’d never have new art. Often times a new idea is just an old one separated by time, culture, personality, and experience. Whether you’re tweaking an old idea or turning it on its head, it will be different because your tastes aren’t the same as your muse.

Calzado Salomon asks:

So I’m playing New Vegas again and the first time I heard somebody say “Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter,” I immediately pulled out my gun and shot him in the face. Keep in mind I haven’t played this game for five years. You know how people say some things never get old? I’m wondering if some things never get new.

You’re absolutely right. You will never, ever hear that line with fresh ears. You could live a hundred thousand years and travel across galaxies to new worlds and experience everything the universe has to offer. You could consume the breadth of all galactic knowledge until your brain is so full that you forget all that you ever knew about your former life on earth. Yet the moment you start a new playthrough and an NCR soldier tells you what patrolling the Mojave is like, not even being master of space and time itself can stop you from reflexively groaning.

salary for a veterinarian asks:

I was playing the Fenced In quest and wondered about having an option to negotiate with the killer. Because to be honest, I don’t get the phrase “you can’t negotiate with terrorists.” What if he offered to free all the hostages in exchange for a bottle of skooma? Sounds like a good trade to me.

The thing is you can’t take the phrase literally. You can definitely negotiate with terrorists if all they wanted was a pack of smokes and an autographed copy of De Stijl. Some people think any sort of capitulation would encourage copycats, but I actually think a trade this lopsided would have the opposite effect. People would be like “ISIS went through the trouble of kidnapping a building of foreign dignitaries and all they got in exchange was a DVD copy of The Interview. Fuck that, I’m gonna sell goat milk for a living.”

Problem is, terrorist demands are typically unrealistic and made with little expectation that they’ll be met. Hans in Die Hard was even using his demands as a ploy to buy more time and couldn’t care less if the cops did as he asked. And we all know how true to life that film is.

The killer in Fenced In isn’t just unreasonable, he’s insane. He isn’t taking hostages so much as taking victims. He isn’t giving those up for anything, not even a date with Kate Upton and ownership of the state of Nevada. Florida maybe, only because he’s an Argonian and likes to swim.

generic valtrex online asks:

The Super Bowl is probably the most commercial event in all of sports. But there are degenerates out there who actually watch it solely for the ads. What in Sheogorath is this madness? In what other world is watching the commercials a bigger event than the event itself?

Yes, you would never see such a thing happen in…ahem…European football, but handegg is quintessentially American, and a capitalist society demands its 30 seconds of flesh.

In fact, its even worse if you do the math. The Wall Street Journal did a study in 2010 that determined there are only 11 mintues of action in a single game. American football is just a series of short explosions followed by slow motion instant replays and even slower commercial breaks.

It doesn’t feel that way though. You could probably break down a Michael Bay film and find there are only 20 seconds worth of explosions, but you leave the cinema feeling like you watched 90 minutes of uncensored explosion porn. In that sense handegg is the Michael Bay of sports. Of course only one of them gives people CTE.

Anyways, to answer your question, handegg in a lot of ways is a metaphor for life. Most people slog through the work week to get to the weekend. Those people watch the game. The people who watch for the commercials are like the ones who love their jobs and spend the weekend bored out of their mind.

Myron Scipio asks:

My friend and I have taken to calling our roommate “Skjarn.” That arrogant SOB has no idea why and it’s hilarious. Just thought I’d let you know.

Funny thing is, even Skjarn is smart enough to Google a name. Especially his own. In fact, he can’t stop doing it, being arrogant and all. But in this case, even if your roommate decided to Google the name Skjarn, you’d have an extra layer of encryption because of the power of the soft J. Unless of course, I were to type the word Skyarn or Skyarne or even Squarn in this post. Then he’d find this site, watch the video, and hell would be paid.

Man, it’s a good thing you aren’t real.

Your Hands Only

yourhandsonly

Welcome to the third edition of our weekly mailbag. Again, these are all real spammers, if you’re logged in you can check the website’s trash to verify. Of course, if any actual person wants to send in questions, you can send me a PM or email them to kristakahashi@gmail.com and I will link your website with your name.

On to the questions:

installment loans asks:

In high school, I looked good with a cap. I wore a cap every day. Wore it to the side, wore it backwards, wore it straight. Now I’m an adult, and every time I put on a cap I look like some middle-aged doofus. I’m pretty much the same weight. What the hell happened to my skull to make it so cap-averse?

Caps look better on teenagers the same way a fedora looks better on Humphrey Bogart. Even if you look the same physically, now that you’re older your perception of how you should appear no longer jives with the statement your cap makes. And just to be clear, we’re talking about propeller hats, right?

Anyhow, I just went through the same thing watching the re-mastered version of The Wire. Ten years ago, I was in favor of Bunny Colvin’s Hamsterdam idea and thought McNulty’s serial killer play was somehow justifiable. Watching it now, both these ideas and their premises seem so batshit crazy to me I’m beginning to question whether The Wire passes the soap opera line of television realism. The show hasn’t changed, but I have. Like 90% of the population, I’ve gone from wide-eyed idealist to cynical miser. I’m pretty much a cliche.

Christian Flags asks:

When’s the next podcast?

Alice and I are recording on Monday. Unless the drunken messages I get from her are a lie.

خرید شارژ همراه اول asks:

Why aren’t there any good Dragon Age: Inquisition mods?

The game was done in the Frostbite Engine 3, and while that makes the graphics look pretty, the point of entry is much, much higher than it was with Origins (which had an official modding toolset). It’s my understanding that you need a doctorate in game design just to install the fucking thing. That being said, wizards are hard at work making modding tools that idiots like the rest of us can understand.

grand rapids dumpster rental asks:

You ever meet someone and they mention something you really like, and you don’t know whether to go fangirl on them or play it cool and nod your head?

I never play things cool. I don’t know the meaning of the word (I think it’s a synonym of refrigerate).

Lose weight Just by running asks:

Is Skyrim your favorite game?

This is one of those questions that’s hard to answer accurately because opinions are fickle things. For instance, if you asked me last year what game I was looking forward to most, it was the Witcher 3. Now, having spent the better part of that year playing DAI, Skyrim, and Dragon’s Dogma, I’m much more hyped about Xenoblade Chronicles X.  Show me a trailer of flying whales, magical forests, giant mechs and sandworms, and my pants are gonna be swollen. It’s only after I’ve had my fill of JRPG weirdness that I’ll be in the right mood to go on a Wild Hunt.

But all things being equal, I’d say Bethesda games will be my favorite more days than not for three reasons. They let you make your own character. They let you sit down and touch things. And they let you mod their games.

I’ll think I’ll go do the last thing some more.

A Letter…Not Sure Who From

yourhandsonly

Welcome to the third edition of our weekly mailbag. Again, these are all real spammers, if you’re logged in you can check the website’s trash to verify. Of course, if any actual person wants to send in questions, you can send me a PM or email them to kristakahashi@gmail.com and I will link your website with your name.

On to the questions:

installment loans asks:

In high school, I looked good with a cap. I wore a cap every day. Wore it to the side, wore it backwards, wore it straight. Now I’m an adult, and every time I put on a cap I look like some middle-aged doofus. I’m pretty much the same weight. What the hell happened to my skull to make it so cap-averse?

Caps look better on teenagers the same way a fedora looks better on Humphrey Bogart. Even if you look the same physically, now that you’re older your perception of how you should appear no longer jives with the statement your cap makes. And just to be clear, we’re talking about propeller hats, right?

Anyhow, I just went through the same thing watching the re-mastered version of The Wire. Ten years ago, I was in favor of Bunny Colvin’s Hamsterdam idea and thought McNulty’s serial killer play was somehow justifiable. Watching it now, both these ideas and their premises seem so batshit crazy to me I’m beginning to question whether The Wire passes the soap opera line of television realism. The show hasn’t changed, but I have. Like 90% of the population, I’ve gone from wide-eyed idealist to cynical miser. I’m pretty much a cliche.

Christian Flags asks:

When’s the next podcast?

Alice and I are recording on Monday. Unless the drunken messages I get from her are a lie.

خرید شارژ همراه اول asks:

Why aren’t there any good Dragon Age: Inquisition mods?

The game was done in the Frostbite Engine 3, and while that makes the graphics look pretty, the point of entry is much, much higher than it was with Origins (which had an official modding toolset). It’s my understanding that you need a doctorate in game design just to install the fucking thing. That being said, wizards are hard at work making modding tools that idiots like the rest of us can understand.

grand rapids dumpster rental asks:

You ever meet someone and they mention something you really like, and you don’t know whether to go fangirl on them or play it cool and nod your head?

I never play things cool. I don’t know the meaning of the word (I think it’s a synonym of refrigerate).

Lose weight Just by running asks:

Is Skyrim your favorite game?

This is one of those questions that’s hard to answer accurately because opinions are fickle things. For instance, if you asked me last year what game I was looking forward to most, it was the Witcher 3. Now, having spent the better part of that year playing DAI, Skyrim, and Dragon’s Dogma, I’m much more hyped about Xenoblade Chronicles X.  Show me a trailer of flying whales, magical forests, giant mechs and sandworms, and my pants are gonna be swollen. It’s only after I’ve had my fill of JRPG weirdness that I’ll be in the right mood to go on a Wild Hunt.

But all things being equal, I’d say Bethesda games will be my favorite more days than not for three reasons. They let you make your own character. They let you sit down and touch things. And they let you mod their games.

I’ll think I’ll go do the last thing some more.

A Letter…Not Sure Who From

TESV 2015-01-13 18-36-48-23.avi_snapshot_00.44_[2015.01.13_18.39.34]

Welcome to the second edition of our weekly mailbag. Since nobody called me on it in the last edition, I want to point out that these are all totally real people. Sure, all their previous comments on this website have been flagged as spam, but that’s because I don’t like them on a personal level.

Nope, no bots here, and I’m sure if you Google their names they will all have Facebook pages,Twitter handles, and a long history of not being usernames taken from spambots. Of course, if any non-real person wants to send in questions, you can send me a PM or email them to kristakahashi@gmail.com and I will link your website with your name.

On to the questions:

canada goose parka asks:

I was wondering if you can settle a debate between me and my friend. Everyone is familiar with the five second rule. You drop food on the ground, it’s good for five seconds. Any longer and you turn into a Draugr or something if you eat it. Anyways, I’m role playing as a white knight type, and the other day I knocked over a piece of cheese in the Palace of the Kings. I felt the honorable thing to do was to put it back on the plate. My friend says the proper move would’ve been to dispose of the food and recompense Ulfric with a market bought cheese wheel. However, I picked up the cheese within three seconds. What say you?

On the one hand, Canada Goose Parka, your friend might be right – not in spite of the rule but because of it. You have to remember that Skyrim is on a different time scale than real life. Given 1 game minute = 1 second, five game seconds would equal 1/12 of a second in real time (trust me on this, I’m Asian). Basically, if you took three seconds to pick up the cheese, in game time you let that shit sit there for three minutes before placing it back on the table.

On the other hand, you could make the argument that game time isn’t scaled, and the definition of seconds and minutes are different in TES than in real life. After all, while the 1 second = 1 game minute ratio makes sense, that would mean everyone is talking in slow motion because it takes an entire minute just to say “Well Met.” Perhaps in the world of video games, a day really is only 24 minutes long, the five second rule is the five minute rule, and Nirn orbits the sun on roller skates.

サプライヤー サンローラン asks:

In most fantasy genres you have multiple sentient species. In TES alone you have four different kinds of Elf. Why don’t we have that in the real world?

We did. There are other variant species in the genus Homo. In fact, neanderthals lived in Europe until about 40,000 years ago. We just done killed them all. Although I don’t think any of them had pointy ears. Just the jaws.

NFL Cheap Jerseys asks:

They say in the Sims you can cheat on your wife and then high-five her until she forgives you. While I have no tangible evidence to back this up, am I correct in assuming this is a poor simulation of reality?

Not necessarily. Life can imitate art just as easily as art imitates life. If she was a huge fan of the Sims and she’s familiar with that meme, her first reaction might be to laugh before kicking you in the nuts.

Viridiane once told me that if she ever broke up with someone she’d use the Rumarin line about Polydor and Eloisa and how they were torn apart by the cruel nature of the world. As in, “We have to break up. It’s not you…it’s not even me. It’s the cruel nature of the world.” If someone ever used that on me, I don’t think I’d even be mad. In fact, given I’d written the line, it’d almost feel like it was some sort of balancing of the cosmic books.

Michael Kors Handbags asks:

What would be your one bit of information that you would want to be able to see if you had a real HUD for day to day life?

We already have this I think, unless Google Glass is some kind of state-sponsored methamphetamine project. As for the HUD function specifically, there are plenty of applications for it I suppose, from keeping track of the time to your archenemy’s power level.  But I would leave it off, personally. I feel like it would just be annoying, like a stain on your glasses you can’t rub off.

Incidentally, I play games with as much of the HUD turned off as possible. Back when I was playing Skyrim, I got so good at knowing where the cursor was I could pick up a leek in a dark dungeon on a wooden plate with one eye closed. Granted, it takes a lot of practice. I think my first playthrough I spent half the game throwing away all the plates, bowls, and burned books I picked up from not having my cursor on the right item. Had I known about Gopher’s iHUD, I would’ve used that instead.

Of course, things change in this hypothetical scenario if your HUD has imaginary technology like detecting portals to Narnia and warning you when your date has a tribal tattoo. But realistically speaking the only useful things – like a wireless polygraph – would be morally sketchy, so all in all it’s not a technology I’m excited about.

Best Natural Male Enhancement asks:

My favorite Interesting NPC died three weeks ago today. He caught a stray arrow while fending off a Draugr horde, and adventuring hasn’t been the same since. They say time heals all wounds, but what does that even mean? You can’t heal the dead. So tell me, does the pain of grief lessen because we forget? Somehow that seems even sadder.

Well, if you look at life through a literal lens, everything is kind of fucked up. The truth is human beings cannot function without forgetting things, good or bad, joy or pain. While the goal is to have more of one and less of the other, in the end you will always return to that state of zero, where the past is nothing and the future is just out of reach. I guess what I’m trying to say is, open up the console, click on the NPC and type “resurrect,” that should take care of it.

 

I've Been Looking For You

courier

Here’s another 100% original idea for the blog, DO NOT STEAL, called a reader mailbag. Nope, don’t even bother googling it, it’s a completely unique segment I ripped off. Basically, I find replying to these easier than writing columns, so we’ll be running these every so often, depending on how many e-mails I get. Send all your questions to me at kristakahashi@gmail.com or just send me a PM through the website.

Anyways, here’s this week’s questions:

Alcoholic_Tubes asks:

Khajiit are supposed to be expert thieves, which implies they have some biological advantage over people and Elves. But have you ever seen those claws that pick up the prizes at the arcade? Those things are awful at picking shit up. Conversely, if I reached into the box with my hand I’d have all the toys.

First of all, fuck those claw things. Lost way too many quarters on that as a kid. But as for pickpockets, most pinch wallets with their thumbs and forefingers, they don’t use the whole hand, so I think in this case the claws provide an advantage. Like chopsticks, basically. So while Khajiit would be terrible at video games and scratch up your controllers (make sure to give them the off brand one), they’d be just fine at pickpocketing.

Also, don’t forget not every noble has a pocket. If we’re talking about purse strings, seems to me having a set of claws will make those things easier to cut. And Khajiit are naturally dexterous. Ever hear of a thief with cat-like reflexes? Now imagine if he was an actual cat.

Endormir asks:

Can certain polygamous marriages be canon? Given their personalities, I’d like to think it’d be possible to marry both and Tikrid and Amalee and maintain a stable household.

You’re talking to the guy who spent two days googling how to romance Morrigan and Leliana at the same time, ultimately deciding not to speak to either of them for 1/4 of the game in order to preserve our ill-fated love (plural). Thing is, Bioware squashed that possibility regardless because it doesn’t make sense for the Warden to be with both Team Purple and Red in Inquisition. Luckily for you, the characters in this mod aren’t likely to return for any future game. So while I personally don’t think it would work, my philosophy is your game, your canon. Threesome away.

PetCorgi87 asks:

Where does the name Hope Lies come from?

Oddly enough, you’re the second person to ask me that in the last week. The name I got from Pelzknaeul‘s email. That being said, I’ve always loved the last name Lies (pronounced Lees). There was a politician a couple years ago with that last name who was involved in some scandal, and at the time all I could think was, how in Oblivion did they not know she was dirty? It says so right in her fucking name! It’s like electing John Fuckyouintheass. Sure, you might like his ideas on tax reform, but don’t be surprised if at some point he plugs you in the butt.

Michelle B. asks:

The Witcher 3 specs are out, and my 3-year old machine can barely run it. Should this make me angry or excited?

A little bit of both? I can only speak in general terms here, but I’d say on the one hand, we want technological advances to happen quickly. It’s a good thing that my i5-2500k can barely run the newer games. I want to see a holodeck in my lifetime damnit, so the last thing we want is stagnation.

At the same time, if you’re poor like me you want your purchases to last. That’s why advances in efficiency are just as important (think Anti-Aliasing vs. Higher Resolutions) as advances in quality. And I’m sure the Witcher 3 will still look great on the minimum settings, but then again, in college my RA called me Mr. Magoo.

DreadPirateCharles asks:

I downloaded a mod to get with the Dibellan priestess in Markarth. Just thought it made sense.

Agh! Get it out my head! No really, I don’t want to know these things. True story, while googling for screenshots, I once saw a picture of Zora naked and I nearly scooped out my own eyeballs. Muh children and all that.

Now I understand that for Jolene it makes a lot more sense to have a sex scene given her, erm, personality type. And shit, we’re all adults. Artistically I should have zero problem making HBO style porn, but I’d still feel weird about emailing voice actors and asking them to make moaning sounds. Not gonna happen. Mods for the mod will have to do.

A Letter…Not Sure Who From

courier

Here’s another 100% original idea for the blog, DO NOT STEAL, called a reader mailbag. Nope, don’t even bother googling it, it’s a completely unique segment I ripped off. Basically, I find replying to these easier than writing columns, so we’ll be running these every so often, depending on how many e-mails I get. Send all your questions to me at kristakahashi@gmail.com or just send me a PM through the website.

Anyways, here’s this week’s questions:

Alcoholic_Tubes asks:

Khajiit are supposed to be expert thieves, which implies they have some biological advantage over people and Elves. But have you ever seen those claws that pick up the prizes at the arcade? Those things are awful at picking shit up. Conversely, if I reached into the box with my hand I’d have all the toys.

First of all, fuck those claw things. Lost way too many quarters on that as a kid. But as for pickpockets, most pinch wallets with their thumbs and forefingers, they don’t use the whole hand, so I think in this case the claws provide an advantage. Like chopsticks, basically. So while Khajiit would be terrible at video games and scratch up your controllers (make sure to give them the off brand one), they’d be just fine at pickpocketing.

Also, don’t forget not every noble has a pocket. If we’re talking about purse strings, seems to me having a set of claws will make those things easier to cut. And Khajiit are naturally dexterous. Ever hear of a thief with cat-like reflexes? Now imagine if he was an actual cat.

Endormir asks:

Can certain polygamous marriages be canon? Given their personalities, I’d like to think it’d be possible to marry both and Tikrid and Amalee and maintain a stable household.

You’re talking to the guy who spent two days googling how to romance Morrigan and Leliana at the same time, ultimately deciding not to speak to either of them for 1/4 of the game in order to preserve our ill-fated love (plural). Thing is, Bioware squashed that possibility regardless because it doesn’t make sense for the Warden to be with both Team Purple and Red in Inquisition. Luckily for you, the characters in this mod aren’t likely to return for any future game. So while I personally don’t think it would work, my philosophy is your game, your canon. Threesome away.

PetCorgi87 asks:

Where does the name Hope Lies come from?

Oddly enough, you’re the second person to ask me that in the last week. The name I got from Pelzknaeul‘s email. That being said, I’ve always loved the last name Lies (pronounced Lees). There was a politician a couple years ago with that last name who was involved in some scandal, and at the time all I could think was, how in Oblivion did they not know she was dirty? It says so right in her fucking name! It’s like electing John Fuckyouintheass. Sure, you might like his ideas on tax reform, but don’t be surprised if at some point he plugs you in the butt.

Michelle B. asks:

The Witcher 3 specs are out, and my 3-year old machine can barely run it. Should this make me angry or excited?

A little bit of both? I can only speak in general terms here, but I’d say on the one hand, we want technological advances to happen quickly. It’s a good thing that my i5-2500k can barely run the newer games. I want to see a holodeck in my lifetime damnit, so the last thing we want is stagnation.

At the same time, if you’re poor like me you want your purchases to last. That’s why advances in efficiency are just as important (think Anti-Aliasing vs. Higher Resolutions) as advances in quality. And I’m sure the Witcher 3 will still look great on the minimum settings, but then again, in college my RA called me Mr. Magoo.

DreadPirateCharles asks:

I downloaded a mod to get with the Dibellan priestess in Markarth. Just thought it made sense.

Agh! Get it out my head! No really, I don’t want to know these things. True story, while googling for screenshots, I once saw a picture of Zora naked and I nearly scooped out my own eyeballs. Muh children and all that.

Now I understand that for Jolene it makes a lot more sense to have a sex scene given her, erm, personality type. And shit, we’re all adults. Artistically I should have zero problem making HBO style porn, but I’d still feel weird about emailing voice actors and asking them to make moaning sounds. Not gonna happen. Mods for the mod will have to do.