Amalee’s Diary by Megaptera

A Letter…Not Sure Who From

courier

Here’s another 100% original idea for the blog, DO NOT STEAL, called a reader mailbag. Nope, don’t even bother googling it, it’s a completely unique segment I ripped off. Basically, I find replying to these easier than writing columns, so we’ll be running these every so often, depending on how many e-mails I get. Send all your questions to me at kristakahashi@gmail.com or just send me a PM through the website.

Anyways, here’s this week’s questions:

Alcoholic_Tubes asks:

Khajiit are supposed to be expert thieves, which implies they have some biological advantage over people and Elves. But have you ever seen those claws that pick up the prizes at the arcade? Those things are awful at picking shit up. Conversely, if I reached into the box with my hand I’d have all the toys.

First of all, fuck those claw things. Lost way too many quarters on that as a kid. But as for pickpockets, most pinch wallets with their thumbs and forefingers, they don’t use the whole hand, so I think in this case the claws provide an advantage. Like chopsticks, basically. So while Khajiit would be terrible at video games and scratch up your controllers (make sure to give them the off brand one), they’d be just fine at pickpocketing.

Also, don’t forget not every noble has a pocket. If we’re talking about purse strings, seems to me having a set of claws will make those things easier to cut. And Khajiit are naturally dexterous. Ever hear of a thief with cat-like reflexes? Now imagine if he was an actual cat.

Endormir asks:

Can certain polygamous marriages be canon? Given their personalities, I’d like to think it’d be possible to marry both and Tikrid and Amalee and maintain a stable household.

You’re talking to the guy who spent two days googling how to romance Morrigan and Leliana at the same time, ultimately deciding not to speak to either of them for 1/4 of the game in order to preserve our ill-fated love (plural). Thing is, Bioware squashed that possibility regardless because it doesn’t make sense for the Warden to be with both Team Purple and Red in Inquisition. Luckily for you, the characters in this mod aren’t likely to return for any future game. So while I personally don’t think it would work, my philosophy is your game, your canon. Threesome away.

PetCorgi87 asks:

Where does the name Hope Lies come from?

Oddly enough, you’re the second person to ask me that in the last week. The name I got from Pelzknaeul‘s email. That being said, I’ve always loved the last name Lies (pronounced Lees). There was a politician a couple years ago with that last name who was involved in some scandal, and at the time all I could think was, how in Oblivion did they not know she was dirty? It says so right in her fucking name! It’s like electing John Fuckyouintheass. Sure, you might like his ideas on tax reform, but don’t be surprised if at some point he plugs you in the butt.

Michelle B. asks:

The Witcher 3 specs are out, and my 3-year old machine can barely run it. Should this make me angry or excited?

A little bit of both? I can only speak in general terms here, but I’d say on the one hand, we want technological advances to happen quickly. It’s a good thing that my i5-2500k can barely run the newer games. I want to see a holodeck in my lifetime damnit, so the last thing we want is stagnation.

At the same time, if you’re poor like me you want your purchases to last. That’s why advances in efficiency are just as important (think Anti-Aliasing vs. Higher Resolutions) as advances in quality. And I’m sure the Witcher 3 will still look great on the minimum settings, but then again, in college my RA called me Mr. Magoo.

DreadPirateCharles asks:

I downloaded a mod to get with the Dibellan priestess in Markarth. Just thought it made sense.

Agh! Get it out my head! No really, I don’t want to know these things. True story, while googling for screenshots, I once saw a picture of Zora naked and I nearly scooped out my own eyeballs. Muh children and all that.

Now I understand that for Jolene it makes a lot more sense to have a sex scene given her, erm, personality type. And shit, we’re all adults. Artistically I should have zero problem making HBO style porn, but I’d still feel weird about emailing voice actors and asking them to make moaning sounds. Not gonna happen. Mods for the mod will have to do.

I've Been Looking For You

courier

Here’s another 100% original idea for the blog, DO NOT STEAL, called a reader mailbag. Nope, don’t even bother googling it, it’s a completely unique segment I ripped off. Basically, I find replying to these easier than writing columns, so we’ll be running these every so often, depending on how many e-mails I get. Send all your questions to me at kristakahashi@gmail.com or just send me a PM through the website.

Anyways, here’s this week’s questions:

Alcoholic_Tubes asks:

Khajiit are supposed to be expert thieves, which implies they have some biological advantage over people and Elves. But have you ever seen those claws that pick up the prizes at the arcade? Those things are awful at picking shit up. Conversely, if I reached into the box with my hand I’d have all the toys.

First of all, fuck those claw things. Lost way too many quarters on that as a kid. But as for pickpockets, most pinch wallets with their thumbs and forefingers, they don’t use the whole hand, so I think in this case the claws provide an advantage. Like chopsticks, basically. So while Khajiit would be terrible at video games and scratch up your controllers (make sure to give them the off brand one), they’d be just fine at pickpocketing.

Also, don’t forget not every noble has a pocket. If we’re talking about purse strings, seems to me having a set of claws will make those things easier to cut. And Khajiit are naturally dexterous. Ever hear of a thief with cat-like reflexes? Now imagine if he was an actual cat.

Endormir asks:

Can certain polygamous marriages be canon? Given their personalities, I’d like to think it’d be possible to marry both and Tikrid and Amalee and maintain a stable household.

You’re talking to the guy who spent two days googling how to romance Morrigan and Leliana at the same time, ultimately deciding not to speak to either of them for 1/4 of the game in order to preserve our ill-fated love (plural). Thing is, Bioware squashed that possibility regardless because it doesn’t make sense for the Warden to be with both Team Purple and Red in Inquisition. Luckily for you, the characters in this mod aren’t likely to return for any future game. So while I personally don’t think it would work, my philosophy is your game, your canon. Threesome away.

PetCorgi87 asks:

Where does the name Hope Lies come from?

Oddly enough, you’re the second person to ask me that in the last week. The name I got from Pelzknaeul‘s email. That being said, I’ve always loved the last name Lies (pronounced Lees). There was a politician a couple years ago with that last name who was involved in some scandal, and at the time all I could think was, how in Oblivion did they not know she was dirty? It says so right in her fucking name! It’s like electing John Fuckyouintheass. Sure, you might like his ideas on tax reform, but don’t be surprised if at some point he plugs you in the butt.

Michelle B. asks:

The Witcher 3 specs are out, and my 3-year old machine can barely run it. Should this make me angry or excited?

A little bit of both? I can only speak in general terms here, but I’d say on the one hand, we want technological advances to happen quickly. It’s a good thing that my i5-2500k can barely run the newer games. I want to see a holodeck in my lifetime damnit, so the last thing we want is stagnation.

At the same time, if you’re poor like me you want your purchases to last. That’s why advances in efficiency are just as important (think Anti-Aliasing vs. Higher Resolutions) as advances in quality. And I’m sure the Witcher 3 will still look great on the minimum settings, but then again, in college my RA called me Mr. Magoo.

DreadPirateCharles asks:

I downloaded a mod to get with the Dibellan priestess in Markarth. Just thought it made sense.

Agh! Get it out my head! No really, I don’t want to know these things. True story, while googling for screenshots, I once saw a picture of Zora naked and I nearly scooped out my own eyeballs. Muh children and all that.

Now I understand that for Jolene it makes a lot more sense to have a sex scene given her, erm, personality type. And shit, we’re all adults. Artistically I should have zero problem making HBO style porn, but I’d still feel weird about emailing voice actors and asking them to make moaning sounds. Not gonna happen. Mods for the mod will have to do.

Kiss From a Rose by Numeriku

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I pulled something together for the first time ever. Didn’t even know I had it in me. This mod… seriously, it changes you man~

Read from right to left. Sorry if it’s confusing, I’m just used to the Japanese layout ^^;

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Gawdaymn, I don’t know how Kentaro Miura does it. One strip and I’m pooped.

Fan Art – Amalee by Numeriku

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Here is some more art from Numeriku. It’s Amalee on a bright pink background. Pink would probably be her favorite color if weren’t so rare in nature. Greens and blues are probably more common, but I’m sure pink would appeal to her feminine side.

After all, it’s the one color that women can almost call their own. Not out of any malice mind you, but because men – myself included -refuse to use it for some reason, due to some inexplicable fear that the color will suck away our manliness.

Fan Art – Amalee and Zora by Rusavia

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Here’s some more art courtesy of Rusavia over on the Tumblrs. If you like her blog, follow her. Not in that creepy stalker way, but in that loyal companion way, exactly 384 units behind while ocassionally blocking the exit.

Anyway, I like the way Amalee’s sketch has tiny freckles of color, in her amulet and in her eyes. In fact, I like to imagine the amulet works like a mood ring. It turns green when there’s a beautiful landscape to witness, red when there’s danger, and yellow when it’s time to hit the gas and speed through the intersection.

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Zora, looking cozy. You can also see the diamond and opal colored eyes here, it makes you want to pluck them out and where it as a ring. But that would be creepy and gross so don’t do that.

This piece of art doesn’t have that vibe at all, it’s just comfy, like a warm fire in a winter cabin.